If the folks next door to me wasnt so good
Id do all the mean things anybody could
Id drink and Id gamble and Id louse around
Id be the meanest man in this whole town

If I hadnt seen the light in that old ladys eyes
Id try to be a man that you would hate and despise
Id rave and Id rant and Id scream and yell
And Id chase all my neighbours from here to hell

If I hadnt heard those kids laugh playing games
Id have nervous fits and Id go insane
Id turpentine cats and tin can dogs
And Id smother people to death inside of holler logs

If the people around me wasnt so nice
Id freeze my heart into a cake of ice
Id steal money from soldiers and working folks too
Id lend you a dollar and take back two
If my wife didnt kiss me the way she does
Id carry four or five daggers and three or four guns
Id shoot c___s and ramble and hang out late
And Id steal baby buggies and cadillac eights

If my friends didnt write me those letters I get
Id get to be a dictator and be the worse one yet
Id be the only smart bird and youd all be fools
All Id send you all away to war and Id set home and rule

If it wasnt for them songs I hear all of you sing
Id put a crown on my dome and Id say Im your king
Id kidnap some and blackmail others
Id peddle black market stuff and rob sisters and brothers

If it wasnt for your talking I hear along the street
Id be the oneriest man that you ever did meet
Id preach the gospel of hate and Id drink your blood
But I cant be this bad because my folks are too good

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