Oh
It's daytime, it's TV
It's everything we need
And lovers, and haters
And people with bad teeth

There's users, and abusers
And many a catchphrase
Like "Sir, or Madam,
You are a disgrace!"

And who's the man at the helm
With the over-agressive style?

It's Jeremy "Kylie Minogue" Kyle

And it's murder on the studio-floor
If you do something Kyle deplores
Like cheating or violence or bullying
Or drinking too much or being a bit dim

He's a moral crusader of our times
And some people reckon he's got a third eye
Cos he knows your secrets and he knows your lies
If you go against him he will make you cry

And he's never done anything wrong in his life
And he knows what he's doing, he's got kids and a wife
And everything he does
He does with love and with guile

Oh why can't we all be like Jeremy Kyle?

Ricki Lake - just a chat show
Oprah - just a chat show
Trisha - just a chat show
Jerry Springer - just a chat show
Montel - just a chat show
Parkinson - just a chat show
David Letterman - just a chat show
Johnathon Ross - just a chat show
Vanessa Phelps - just a chat show

But the Jeremy Kyle show is a way of life
It's the bread to the b___er, the fork to the knife

And you must look him in the eye
Or Kyle will leave you high and dry
(Without counselling)
And answer the question yes or no
Whatever happens he will always say "this is my show!"

What I think you're forgetting
There's a child involved
And does the lie detector say
True or false?

You're a pathetic excuse
For a human being
And I can't quite believe
What I am seeing

And you must, you must
Not react
For he'll start saying the dreaded
"That's a fact!"

Ricki Lake - was just a chat show
Oprah - just a chat show
Trisha - just a chat show
Jerry Springer - just a chat show
Montel - just a chat show
Parkinson - just a chat show
David Letterman - just a chat show
Johnathon Ross - just a chat show
Vanessa Phelps - was definitely just a chat show

But the Jeremy Kyle show is a way of life

See also:
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