Jeff Dunham achmed mp3 Lyrics

-Good evening, Achmed.
-Good evening...infidel!

-So you are a terrorist?
-Yes, I'm a terrorist!

-What kind of terrorist?
-A terrifying...terrorist!

-Are you scared?
-Not really, no.

-And now?
-Not really, no.

-How 'bout now?
-No.

-God d___ it!
Oh, o!
I mean: Allah d___ it!

-SILENCE!
I kill u!

-So Achmed...
-No, no, it's A*gh*med
-That's what I said
-No, you said Achmed it's Aghmed, gh, gh, ghghgh.
-SILENCE!
I kill u!

-How do you spell it?
-What?
-How do u spell your name?
-Oh, let's see, A... C... Flemgh...
-SILENCE!
I kill u!

-So Achmed you are a terrorist.
I would suppose u have a sort of specility?
-Yes, I'm a suicide bomber.
-So you are finished?
-What?
-You've done your job?
-No, I haven't.
-But u are dead!
-No, I'm not.
I feel fine.
-But u are all bones.
-It's a flesh wound.

-SILENCE!
I kill u!

-What the hell happened to my feet?
Son of a b____. What a hell u... A wait a min...
What the hell? What are u doing?
STOP TOUCHING ME!
-I KILL U.
-All right, just hold on we will fix this.
-Ok, wait, what do you doing, Holy c___ in the air!
wait, wait.
Wait, something is stuck with... holy c___!
I need some leggings.
-Just sit still!
-OK! I will not move my a__.
-You idiot, u don't have an a__!

-Is that Walter?
-Yes.
-He scares the c___ out of me.

-Please don't put me back in the same suitcase.
-Why?
-He has gas.

-Saddam's mustard gas was nothing compared to a Walter fart.
-he,he,he,he,he

-It's not funny! He will kill us!
-Listen Achmed, I have something to tell you.
-What?
-You really are dead.
-Are you Sure?
-Yes.
-I've just got my flu shot.
-You really are dead.
-Wait, If I am dead that means I get my 72 virgins?
Are u my virgins?
I hope not!
-Why?
-There's a bunch of ugly a__ guys out there!
-If this is paradise I've been SCREWED!
-Well did they say it will be only female virgins?
-Holy c___!
-Wait, I can have Clay Akien.
-I told a joke!
-So listen Achmed, where did u come from?
-Your freakin' suitcase!
-I told another one.
-Look, if u have been in my suitcase, how have we make it through security in the airports?
-Oh, that's easy... they open the case and I go:
"-Hello! I am Lindsay Lohan!"

-I told another joke!
I can do this c___ too.

-Ok, here's another one:
two Jews walking in a bar.
-No, No.
-What, you don't like Jews in your bar?
-You racist b______.
-What I mean is I don't want racist jokes in my act.
-Oh, OK, how about if I kill the JewS?
-No.
-I'm kidding I would not kill the Jews, No, I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death.

-Yes, yes, I did the same thing with 2 catholic priests that i toss in a small boy.
Yes, yes and the winner had fight Michael Jackson.

-Achmed!
-What?
-Stop doing this!
-Why you can't tell jokes like that?
-Why not? I'm killing so to speak.
-You can't tell jokes like that.
-Why?
-It offends people.
-Oh, I'm dead what do I care?
-What do you want me to do knock-knock jokes?
-Probably better.
-Ok, knock-knock.
-Who's there?
-Me, I kill u!

-So look as a suicide bomber have u had training?
-Of course, we had this suicide bomber training camp.
-Ahh, is that a nice facility?
-It used to be.
-What happened?
-New guy.
-The idiot tried to practice.
-What did u guys learn from that?
- Location, location, location.

-So u guys have any king of motto?
-Like what?
-You know, like: "we're looking for a few good men."
-We're looking for some idiots with no future.
-So where do u get your recruits?
-The suicide hotline.
-That was dark, was it not?

-So, what exactly happened to u?
-Errr...?
-What happened?
-oh, if u must know i am a horrible suicide bomber.
-What happened?
-I had a premature detonation.
-I set the timer to 40 minutes and it went off after 4 seconds.
-You know what that's like, right?
Mr hurricane!
-So Achmed, what exactly happened to u?
-Well, I was getting gasoline and I answered my cell phone: Can you hear me now? Hg!
-At first I thought it was because I went over my minutes.

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