PROPRIETOR
(as Leon Czolgosz enters)
Hey, pal -- feelin' blue?
Don't know what to do?
Hey, pal --

(Czolgosz looks over)

I mean you --
Yeah.
C'mere and kill a president.

(Czolgosz crosses to the counter.)

No job? Cupboard bare?
One room, no one there?
Hey, pal, don't despair --
You wanna shoot a president?
C'mon and shoot a president...

(shows Czolgosz a gun)

Some guys
Think they can't be winners.

(smiles, shakes his head)

First prize
Often goes to rank beginners.

CZOLGOSZ
How much?

PROPRIETOR
Four-fifty. Ivor-Johnson. .32. Rubber Handle. Owls stamped on the sides.

CZOLGOSZ
All right, give me.

(He puts his money on the counter, and the Proprietor hands him the gun. Czolgosz slowly examines it as John
Hinckley enters.)

PROPRIETOR
(to Hinckley)
Hey kid, failed your test?
Dream girl unimpressed?
Show her your the best.

(proffers another kind of gun)

If you can shoot a president --

(Hinckley approaches the counter.)

You can get the prize
With the big blue eyes,
Skinny little thighs
And those big blue eyes...

(presses the gun into Hinckley's hand)

Everybody's
Got the right
To be happy.
Don't stay mad,
life's not as bad
As it seems.

If you keep your
Goal in sight,
You can climb to
Any height.
Everybody's
Got the right
To their dreams...

HINCKLEY
Deal.

CZOLGOSZ
(unable to open his gun)
Mister --

HINCKLEY
(plunking money down on the counter)
I said "deal."

CZOLGOSZ
(to Hinckley)
You. Wait your turn.

HINCKLEY
It is my turn.

CZOLGOSZ
I was here first --

PROPRIETOR
Watch it now, no violence!

(He shows Czolgosz how his gun opens and closes as Charles Guiteau enters.)

PROPRIETOR
(to Guiteau)
Hey, fella,
Feel like you're a failure?
Bailiff on your tail? Your
Wife run off for good?
Hey, fella,
Feel misunderstood?
C'mere and kill a president...

GUITEAU
Okay!

(He pays the Proprietor, who hands him a silver-mounted .44. Giuseppe Zangara, a tiny angry man, enters, groans and
leans against the counter, rubbing his stomach.)

ZANGARA
Marron...

PROPRIETOR
What's-a wrong, boy?
Boss-a treat you crummy?
Trouble with your tummy?
This-a bring you some relief.

(holds out a gun)

Here, give some
Hail-a to da chief --

ZANGARA
You gimme prize--

PROPRIETOR
Anything you want.

ZANGARA
(reaching for the gun)
I want prize. You gimme prize!

PROPRIETOR
(lifting the gun up high)
Only eight bucks. Cheap for "anything you want."

(Zangara pays for the gun and grabs it.)

Everybody's
Got the right
To be different,

(Samuel Byck enters, dressed in a Santa Claus suit, carrying a sign which reads: SANTA SAYS, ALL I WANT FOR
CHRISTMAS IS MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT [OVER].)

Even though
At times they go
To extremes.
Aim for what you
Want a lot --
Everybody
Gets a shot.

(Byck turns around, revealing the other side of his sign: TO PEACABLY PETITION MY GOVERNMENT FOR THE
REDRESS OF ALL MY GRIEVANCES.)

Everybody's
Got the right
To their dreams --

(Byck goes to the counter. As he pays for and receives a gun from the Proprietor, Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme enters
and eyes the shooting gallery with interest. At the same time, Sara Jane Moore enters and moves toward the booth,
fishing clumsily in her handbag for money.)

PROPRIETOR
(to Fromme)
Yo baby!
Looking for a thrill?
The Ferris wheel is that way.

(Fromme comes over.)

No, baby,
This requires skill --

(Fromme puts money down; the Proprietor shrugs, gives her a gun.)

Okay, you want to give it a try...

(As Fromme plays with the gun, Moore is spilling keys, credit cards, lipstick, etc., over the counter.)

Jeez, lady--!

(indicates Czolgosz)

Give the guy some room!
The b__per cars are that way...

(Moore finds her money; Proprietor gives her a .38, which she accidentally points at his stomach.)

Please, lady --

(turning barrel away)

Don't forget that guns can go boom...

(John Wilkes Booth enters and contemplates the scene.)

PROPRIETOR
Hey, gang,
Look who's here.
There's our
Pioneer.

(to Booth)

Hey, chief.

(gesturing toward the a__assins)

Loud and clear:

BOOTH
(to the a__assins)
Everybody's
Got the right
To be happy.
Say, "Enough!"
It's not as tough
As it seems.

Don't be scared
You won't prevail
Everybody's
Free to fail,
No one can get pu in jail
For their dreams.

Free country--!

PROPRIETOR
-- Means your dreams can come true:

BOOTH
Be a scholar --

PROPRIETOR
Make a dollar --

BOOTH,PROPRIETOR
Free country--!

BOOTH
-- Means they'll listen to you:

PROPRIETOR
Scream and holler --

BOOTH
Grab 'em by the collar!

BOOTH, PROPRIETOR
Free country--!

BOOTH
-- Means you don't have to sit --

PROPRIETOR
That's it!

BOOTH
-- And put up with the s___.

a__ASSINS
Everybody's
Got the right
To some sunshine --

BOOTH
Everybody...

a__ASSINS
Not the sun
But maybe one
Of its beams.
One of its beams.

ALL
Rich man, poor man,
Black or white,
Pick your apple,
Take a bite,
Everybody
Just hold tight
To your dreams.
Everybody's
Got the right
To their dreams...

(They turn to face the targets, raising their guns. Just as they are about to shoot, Hail to the Chief is heard, then a voice
on the P.A. system.)

VOICE
Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln!

(Booth looks up at an imaginary theater box, then leaves. A gunshot offstage.)

BOOTH'S VOICE
Sic semper tyrannis!...

See also:
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