I'll tell you a story that happened to me
One day as I went out to Youghal by the Sea
The sun it was bright and the day it was warm
Says I, A quiet pint wouldn't do me no harm

I went to the barman, I said give me a stout
Said the barman, I'm sorry all the beer 'tis sold out
Try whiskey or vodka, ten years in the wood
Says I, I'll try cider, I heard it was good

chorus:
Oh never, oh never, oh never again
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten
I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking a pint of the Johnny Jump Up

After lowering the third I headed straight for the yard
Where I b__ped into Brophy the big civic guard
Come here to me boy, don't you know we're the law
Well I upped with my fist and I shattered his jaw

He fell to the ground with his knees doubled up
But it wasn't, I hit him t'was the johnny jump up
And the next thing I met down in Youghal by the Sea
Was a cripple on crutches, and says he to me

I'm afraid o' me life I'll be hit by a car
Would you help me across to the Railwayman's Bar
And after three pints of that cider so sweet
He threw down his crutches and he danced at his feet

chorus

Now I went up the Lee road a friend for to see
They call it the Madhouse in Cork by the Lee
But when I got up there, the truth I do tell
They had the poor b_____ locked up in his cell

Says the guard testing him, say these words if you can
'Around the ragged rocks, the ragged rascal ran'
Tell them I'm not crazy, tell them I'm not mad
T'was only six pints of that cider I had

Now a man died in the Union by the name of McNabb
They washed him and placed him outside on a slab
And after the coroner his measurements did take
His wife took him home to a b_____ fine wake

'Twas about twelve o'clock and the beer it was high
The corpse he sat up and he says with a sigh
I can't get to heaven, they won't let me up
Till I bring them a pint of the Johnny Jump Up

chorus X2

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