Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper She's Vibrator Dependent Lyrics

Came home early one night from work,
Thought my wife's in bed with jerk,
She's in there with a big piece of plastic.
Yellin' and a screamin', super deluxe creamin'.
She don't want my love stick.

Chorus:
Cause she vibrator dependent, don't want me in it.
Says I don't make the right noise.
Being replaced by batteries.
Hey there fellas can't you see,
She just wants to play with her toys.

She don't wanna go out and dance,
She don't wanna get in my pants.
Just stay home and Vi-bor-ate!
Gettin' big blisters on my hands,
Thinkin' maybe I ain't a man.
Man, she ain't gonna get im-preg-o-nate!

Chorus:

Play with 'em honey!

(Spoken)
There she was, in the bedroom.
Sounds like she's shavin' her tallywacker with a battery powered device.
Me, I'm prancin' around in out the livin' room.
Got the demon gizim build up.
I mean, I got a severe case of it.
Lot of pressure on my brain.
Eyeballs turning white.
Grabbing my tallywacker all the time.
I look her in the eye and I say:

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby Pluheeseeee!

You got somethin' I need, somethin' I want!
I wanna put my face in the special place. (Say what?!?)
I said I wanna put my face in the special place.
I wanna get ring around the face honey.
You know what I'm talkin' 'bout.
When the full moon comes around.

She said Mojy-wojy, you gotta do something for me if you wanna do that. I said, "What's that honey?"
She said, Mojy, you know what you gotta do?
You know I got these battery powered things here.
You know I got some things that plug into the wall and put 110 volts on my tallywacker.
Mojo, I want you to go out to the store and I want you to get me something big and ugly. Gigantic vibrator. Vibrator-zilla it be!
Unplug the refrigerator, Mojo, get Vibrator-zilla, bring it in here and put 220 on the money, honey!
Baby, you done got crazy!
Then Mojo, then you can put your face in the special place.
But you're gonna have to, you're gonna have to make a little noise!

Took her down to see a nurse and cure her of this terrible curse.
Doctor said "Lady you're afflicted!"
Mam you've got a terrible habit.
Now I told you not to grab it!
I p___ounce you a-dict-ted!

Chorus:

She's got VD--that's vibrator depencency.
No, honey, you can't plug my toes into the wall.
And I ain't gonna hum nomore either.