The first thing at Christmas,
That's such a pain to me:
Is finding a Christmas tree.

The second thing at Christmas,
That's such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The third thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Hangovers.
Rigging up the lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The fourth thing at Christmas,
That's such a pain to me:
Sending Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Rigging up the lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The fifth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Five month of bills!
Sending Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Rigging up the lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The sixth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws.
Five months of bills.
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Rigging up these lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The seventh thing a Christmas,
that's such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army.
Facing my in-laws.
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards.
Ohhh geeez.
I'm tryin to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The eighth thing at Christmas,
that's such a pain to me:
I want a transformer for Christmas.
Charities, and what do you mean YOUR in-laws?!
Five months of bills.
Ughh, makin' up these cards.
oh, Edith get me a beer huh?
What we have no extension cords?!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The ninth thing at Christmas
that's such a pain to me:
Finding parking s___es,
Daddy, I want some candy!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws.
Five months of bills.
Writing out those Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Now why the hell are they blinking?!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The tenth thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Batteries not included.
No parking s___es.
Buy me something!
Get a job you b__!
Facing my in-laws.
Five months of bills.
Yo-ho sending Christmas cards.
Oh-geez look at this.
One light goes out, they all go out!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The eleventh thing at Christmas
That's such a pain to me:
Stale T.V. specials.
Batteries not included.
No parking s___es
Mom, I gotta go bathroom!
Charities!
She's a witch, I hate her.
Five months of bills.
Oh, I don't even know half these people!
Oh, who has the toilet paper, huh?
Turn on a flashlight, I blew a fuse!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The twelfth thing at Christmas
that's such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols.
Stale T.V. specials.
Batteries not included.
No parking!
WAHH (crying)
Charities.
Gotta make 'em dinner.
Five months of bills.
I'm not sending 'em this year, that's it!
Shut up, you!
Fine, you're so smart! You rig up the lights!
And finding a Christmas tree.

See also:
JustSomeLyrics
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