(Parody of I'll Be Home For Christmas by Bing Crosby)

I'll be stoned for Christmas
You can plan on me
I must insist, on the lemon twist
Martinis by the tree

Christmas Eve you'll find me
Sparkin' up some green
Rollin' bones for Christmas dinner
And sipping Irish Cream

Santa Claus will be flying
With his reindeer team
But I'll be crawlin' around on the floor this Christmas
'Cause someone hid my keys

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