The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me, is finding a Christmas tree.

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Hangovers.
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree.

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Sending Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree.

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Five months of bills.
Sending Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree.

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Facing my in-laws.
Five months of bills.
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Rigging up the lights.
And finding a Christmas tree.

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
The Salvation Army.
Facing my in-laws.
Five months of bills.
Sending Christmas cards.
Oh geez!
I'm trying to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
I want a Transformer for Christmas!
Charities!
What do you mean your in-laws?
Five months of bills.
Ah! Making out these cards.
Edith, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords?
And finding a Christmas tree.

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Finding parking s___es.
Daddy, I want some candy!
Donations.
Facing my in-laws.
Five months of bills.
Writing up those Christmas cards.
Hangovers.
Now why the hell are they blinking?
And finding a Christmas tree.

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Batteries not included.
No parking s___es.
Buy me something!
Get a job, ya b__!
Facing the in-laws.
Five months of bills.
Yo ho, sending Christmas cards.
Ah geez, look at this.
One light goes out, they all go out!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Stale TV specials.
Batteries not included.
No parking s___es.
Mommy, I gotta go to the bathroom!
Charities.
She's a witch, I hate her!
Five months of bills.
Oh! I don't even know half these people.
Who's got the toilet paper, huh?
Get a flashlight, I blew a fuse!
And finding a Christmas tree.

The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols.
Stale TV specials.
Batteries not included.
No parking?!?
(sound of an annoying crying child)
Charities!
Gotta make 'em dinner!
Five months of bills.
I'm not sending them this year. That's it!
Shut up, youse!
Fine, you're so smart; you rig up the lights!!!
And finding a Christmas tree.

See also:
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