No please no
Not tonight please no
Mister can't you go
Not tonight can't have a scene

ROGER
What?

RESTAURANT MAN
Go, please go;
You - Hello, sir
I said, "No"
Important customer

MARK
What am I just a blur?

RESTAURANT MAN
You sit all night you never buy

MARK
That's a lie that's a lie
I had a tea the other day

RESTAURANT MAN
You couldn't pay

MARK
Oh yeah

COLLINS
Benjamin Coffin III - here?

RESTAURANT MAN
Oh no

ALL
Wine and beer!

MAUREEN
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay

RESTAURANT MAN
Oy vey!

COLLINS
What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?

BENNY
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well

MAUREEN
Go to hell

BENNY
Was the yuppie scum stomped
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comped

ROGER
Why did m___y-

BENNY
Alison

ROGER
Miss the show?

BENNY
There was a death in the family
If you must know

ANGEL
Who died?

BENNY
Our Akita

BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS
Evita

BENNY
Mimi I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(Who don't adhere to deals)
They make fun yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people p___ on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead

MARK
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes

COLLINS & ROGER
Dies irae dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc.

MARK
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of mother earth
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass- you bet your a__ to- La vie Boheme

ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

MARK
To days of inspiration
Playing hookie, making something out of nothing
The need to express
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad

To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad

To riding your bike,
Midday past the three- piece suits
To fruits to no absolutes
To Absolute- to choice
To the Village Voice
To any passing fad
To being an us-for once-, instead of a them -

ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme

MAUREEN
Is the equipment in a pyramid?

JOANNE
It is, Maureen

MAUREEN
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face

MR. GREY
Ahhemm

MAUREEN
Hey Mister- she's my sister

RESTAURANT MAN
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless b____

A BOY
Ugh

COLLINS
It tastes the same

MIMI
If you close your eyes

RESTAURANT MAN
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?

ALL
Wine and beer!

MIMI & ANGEL
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to d____s, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation

MARK
Mucho masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new

COLLINS
To Sontag

ANGEL
To Sondheim

FOUR PEOPLE
To anything taboo

COLLINS & ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage

COLLINS
Lenny Bruce

ROGER
Langston Hughes

MAUREEN
To the stage

PERSON #1
To Uta

PERSON #2
To Buddha

PERSON #3
Pablo Neruda, too

MARK & MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em

ALL
La vie Boheme

MAUREEN
And wipe the speakers off before you pack

JOANNE
Yes, Maureen

MAUREEN
Well - hurry back

MR. GREY
Sisters?

MAUREEN
We're close

ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY
Brothers!

MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS
Bisexuals, trisexuals, h___ sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana

ALL
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel - The s__ Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame - never playing the Fame Game

COLLINS
To marijuana

ALL
To sodomy,
It's between God and me
To S & M

BENNY
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter

ALL
La vie Boheme

COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner
Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn
chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred

ROGER
Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an
erection on high holy days

MARK
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the
eleventh street lot,
Will sing native american tribal chants backwards through her vocoder,
While accompanying herself on the electric cello
Which she has never studied

BENNY
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?

MIMI
There's nothing to know

BENNY
Don't you think that we should discuss-

MIMI
It was three months ago

BENNY
He doesn't act like he's with you

MIMI
We're taking it slow

BENNY
Where is he now?

MIMI
He's right - hmm

BENNY
Uh huh

MIMI
Where'd he go?

MARK
Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song
That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz"

COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris
While accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub

ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist
Including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment
To self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:

ALL
"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS"

BENNY
Check!

MIMI
Excuse me did I do something wrong?
I get invited then ignored all night long

ROGER
I've been trying I'm not lying
No one's perfect I've got baggage

MIMI
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine

ROGER
I should tell, you-

MIMI
I've got baggage too

ROGER
I should tell you

MIMI
I got baggage, too

ROGER
I should tell you

BOTH
Baggage - wine

OTHERS
And beer!

MIMI
AZT break

ROGER
You?

MIMI
Me , You?

ROGER
Mimi

See also:
JustSomeLyrics
7
7.17
JUDY AND MARY motto Lyrics
Foreigner I've Been Waiting For A Girl Like You Lyrics