BRIAN
Princeton?

PRINCETON
Yeah.

BRIAN
Listen, buddy, nobody's seen ya for two weeks. What's up with that?

PRINCETON
I went to work for a temp agency, and they fired me for being too depressing on the phone. I maxed out my cards. I'm two months behind in rent. I totally messed up my personal life. Oh, and Brian -- I still haven't found my purpose!

BRIAN
All right. Get off your a__ and stop worrying! Everyone's getting together to mess around the city today.

PRINCETON
Have fun.

BRIAN
When I say "everyone", that includes you!

(sung)

There is life outside your apartment
I know it's hard to conceive,
but there's life outside your apartment,
and you're only gonna see it if you leave.
There is cool s___ to do,
but it can't come to you.
And who knows, dude,
you might even score!
There is life outside your apartment,
but you've got to open the door!

(spoken)

PRINCETON
No, thanks, I'm staying in.

BRIAN
Don't tell me I gotta force you.

PRINCETON
Sorry!

BRIAN
All right everyone! He's resisting!

(Christmas Eve, Trekkie Monster, Gary and Nicky pick Princeton up and drag him outside)

(sung)

ALL BUT PRINCETON
There is life outside...
there is life outside...
there is life outside...
There is life outside your apartment!
There's a pigeon squashed on the street.

CHRISTMAS EVE
Eww.

BRIAN
There's a girl passing by

NICKY
No, I think it's a guy

ALL BUT PRINCETON
And a homeless man who only wants
to buy something to eat!
Sorry! Can't help you!

(they enter the subway)

ALL BUT PRINCETON
We could go to the zoo!

TREKKIE MONSTER
Pick up girls at NYU!

BRIAN
We could sit in the park smoking pot!

CHRISTMAS EVE
Or not!

ALL BUT PRINCETON
There is life outside your apartment

PRINCETON
Well, I guess I'll give it a shot!

(*gunshot*, everyone screams and runs)

ALL
There is life outside your apartment
I know --

(*loud jackhammer* -- they cover their ears and swear)

There is life outside your apartment

(they look up in horror)

OFFSTAGE VOICE
I'm gonna jump!

ALL
Don't do it!

OFFSTAGE VOICE
Okay!

ALL
There is cool s___ to do
but it can't come to you
So come on --

(*car screeches to a halt*)

OFFSTAGE VOICE
Get out of the way a__hole!

PRINCETON
f___ you!

ALL
There is life outside your apartment!
Oh, you never know what's around the bend.
You could win the lotto or make a friend...

(Lucy enters, the guys eye her and turn to Princeton)

GUYS
Take her home to see your apartment...

LUCY
Do you wanna feel special?

GUYS
Special!

LUCY
I can see that you do.

GUYS
Ooooh-wah!

LUCY
Well, I can make you feel... special
if you let me feel you.

GUYS
She'll feel you!

LUCY
Where's your pad?

PRINCETON
Not too far!

GUYS
We could call you a car!

PRINCETON
We'll be fine, thank you! See ya!

CHRISTMAS EVE
Hope you don't get gonorrhea!

ALL
There's life outside your apartment...

PRINCETON AND LUCY
But now it's time to go home!

GROUP
There is life outside your apartment...

PRINCETON
It's time to go home!

GROUP
There is life outside your apartment...

LUCY
I can make you feel special...

GROUP
There is life outside your apartment...

ALL
But now it's time to go home

TREKKIE MONSTER
For p___!

See also:
JustSomeLyrics
63
63.13
dusa ostana Lyrics
Whitesnake Still Of The Night (2003 Digital Remaster) Lyrics