bob rivers caught me one handed Lyrics

s___gy, are you in there?"
"I'm, uh, uh busy right now, I've got..."
"Oh my God!"
"Ughhhhh"

Oh No! Mommy came in and she caught me one-handed
Dreamin' about the girl next door
Picture this I was workin' that gherkin
Shoulda' locked that bedroom door
How could I get caught while was I pickin'up a pound of meat?
All this time she was standin' there
I'm polishing my good friend Pete

When you are young man you need a little thrilla
Keep a dirty magazine underneath your pilla
You never admit when you tenderize your steak
Or when you been wrestling with a one-eyed snake

A box a Kleenex on the counter
I was in heat
A tube of lotion on the sofa
To beat my meat
Hear my breathing getting louder
I was in heat
All the sudden it was over

Mommy came in and she caught me one handed
Lookin' for the unicorn
"Mom, geez!"
Picture this I had roped that pony
Had him in a tug of war
How could I be casual while the General salutes my feet?
And the bishop he was standin' there shiverin' for lack of heat
"Come on, lil' fella"
Can you tell that I am embarrassed for that shame that I caused?
So that purple headed warrior will have to be flogged

When you start to stimulatin' your little fella'
You're strokin' that bat like a young Lou Piniella
You'll never get a real woman, ain't no way
But you can play choke it with the chicken all day

Mommy came in and she caught me one-handed
Dreamin' about the girl next door
Picture this I was working that gherkin
Shoulda' locked that bedroom door
How could I get caught while was I pickin' up a pound of meat?
All this time she was standin' there
I'm polishing my good friend Pete