I took my son to the mall the other day to see Santa Claus
The woman in line behind me says "hey is that Santa Claus up there"?
I said "no ma'm, it's a Kenny Rodgers stunt double"

Here's your sign

The other day I bought a wreath to go on our front door
as I was walking out the store a man stopped me and said
"hey, are you going to hang that on your door"?
I said "no sir, it's a Christmas toilet seat cover, got the idea from Martha Stewart"

(Chorus)
Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign
You acted dumb, so have some fun and wear your stupid sign
Oh! Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign
you lost your mind, so pay the fine and wear your stupid sign

I hung those little Christmas lights on my house, you know the kind that blink on and off
My neighbour comes over and says
"Bill how do you get those to blink on and off like that"?
I said "I've got my son inside plugging and unplugging it, plugging and unplugging it"

Here's your sign

I took my family to buy a Christmas tree the other night
When we walked onto the lot this guy walked up to me and says
"hey, y'all here to buy a Christmas tree?"
I said, "no sir, my son needs to go to the bathroom and these trees looked really inviting"

(Chorus)
Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign
You acted dumb, so have some fun and wear your stupid sign
Oh! Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign
you lost your mind, so pay the fine and wear your stupid sign
Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign
have no fear when you're spreading cheer during Christmas time

The other night my family and I were walking through the neighbourhood looking at all the Christmas decorations
when we came across this house that had a manger scene
now there was this whole group of people looking at it when I overheard this one guy say
"hey, are those the Three Wise Men"?
I said "no sir that's ZZ Top doing a farming concert

(Chorus)
Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign
You acted dumb, so have some fun and wear your stupid sign
Oh! Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign
you lost your mind, so pay the fine and wear your stupid sign

Here's your sign, Here's your sign, here's your stupid sign
(have no fear when you're spreading cheer during Christmas time)

And finally my wife and I were in a grocery store the other day and I heard a woman ask the clerk
"do you know what time Midnight Mass starts on Christmas Eve"?
And in the holiday spririt I walked over and said "Here's your sign"

Happy holidays everybody!

See also:
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