GARY COLEMAN
Right now you are down and out, and feeling really c___py.

NICKY
I'll say!

GARY COLEMAN
And when I see how sad you are, it sort of makes me... HAPPY...

NICKY
Happy?!

GARY COLEMAN
Sorry Nicky, human nature, there's nothing I can do, it's schadenfreude. Makin' me feel glad that I'm not you!

NICKY
Well that's not very nice GARY COLEMAN.

GARY COLEMAN
I didn't say it was nice, but everybody does it! Did ya ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?

NICKY
Yea...

GARY COLEMAN
And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters fallin' on their a__es?

NICKY
Haha, sure...

GARY COLEMAN
Don't you feel all warm and cozy watchin' people out in the rain?

NICKY
You bet!

GARY COLEMAN
That's...

GARY COLEMAN AND NICKY
...Schadenfreude...

GARY COLEMAN
...people taking pleasure in your pain.

NICKY
Huh... Schadenfreude... Huh... What's, What's that some kind'a n___ word?

GARY COLEMAN
Yep! It's German for happiness at the misfortune of others.

NICKY
Happiness at the misfortune of others... that is German!

Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken!

GARY COLEMAN
Hahaha...

NICKY
Huh?

GARY COLEMAN
Or watching a frat-boy realize just what he put his d___ in?

NICKY
Being on an elevator when somebody shouts "hold the door."

GARY COLEMAN AND NICKY
NO!!!

Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN
f___ you lady, that's what stairs are for!

NICKY
Hahahaha... Oh, how about straight-A students getting B's?

GARY COLEMAN
Ex's getting STD's.

NICKY
Waking door-men from their naps.

GARY COLEMAN
Watching tourist reading maps.

NICKY
Football players getting tackled.

GARY COLEMAN
CEO's getting shackled!

NICKY
Watching actors never reach the...

GARY COLEMAN AND NICKY
...ending of their Oscar speech!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN
The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around by fate... 'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us, and that makes them feel great.

NICKY
Sure! We provide a vital service, to society.

GARY COLEMAN AND NICKY
You and me!
Schadenfreude!
Makin' the world a better place, makin' the world a better place, makin' the world a better place...
To beeeeeeeeeeeeee....

GARY COLEMAN
S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E

GARY COLEMAN AND NICKY
Hahahahahahahhahahahaha...

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JustSomeLyrics
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