LOVETT
Seems a downright shame...

TODD
Shame?

LOVETT
Seems an awful waste...
Such a nice, plump frame
Wot's 'is name has...
Had...
Has
Nor it can't be traced...
Bus'ness needs a lift,
Debts to be erased...
Think of it as thrift,
As a gift,
If you get my drift

Seems an awful waste...
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is,
When you get it,
If you get it...

TODD
Ah!

LOVETT
Good, you got it!

Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!
Bus'ness never better using only p____cats and toast!
Now a p____'s good for maybe six or seven at the most!
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!

[Simultaneously]

TODD
Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion

LOVETT
Well, it does seem a waste...

TODD
Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always!

LOVETT
Think about it...

TODD
Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived
Without you all these years, I'll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!

LOVETT
Lots of other gentlemen'll
Soon be comin' for a shave,
Won't they?
Think of
All them
Pies!

TODD
How choice!
How
Rare!
For what's the sound of the world out there?

LOVETT
What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?

TODD
Those crunching noises pervading the air!

LOVETT
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!

TODD
It's man devouring man, my dear!

BOTH:
And/Then who are we to deny it in here?

TODD
(spoken) These are desperate times,
Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for!

LOVETT
Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven!

TODD
What is that?

LOVETT:
It's priest. Have a little priest.

TODD
Is it really good?

LOVETT
Sir, it's too good, at least!
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh,
So it's pretty fresh.

TODD
Awful lot of fat.

LOVETT
Only where it sat.

TODD
Haven't you got poet, or something like that?

LOVETT
No, y'see, the trouble with poet is
'Ow do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest!

Lawyer's rather nice.

TODD
If it's for a price.

LOVETT
Order something else, though, to follow,
Since no one should swallow it twice!

TODD
Anything that's lean?

LOVETT
Well, then, if you're British and loyal,
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it's clean.
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!

TODD
Is that squire, on the fire?

LOVETT
Mercy no, sir, look closer,
You'll notice it's grocer!

TODD
Looks thicker,
More like vicar!

LOVETT
No, it has to be grocer --
It's green!

TODD
The history of the world, my love --

LOVETT
Save a lot of graves,
Do a lot of relatives favors!

TODD
Is those below serving those up above!

LOVETT
Ev'rybody shaves,
So there should be plenty of flavors!

TODD
How gratifying for once to know

BOTH
That those above will serve those down below!

TODD
What is that?

LOVETT
It's fop.
Finest in the shop.
And we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I've just begun --
Here's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily,
Have one!

TODD
Put it on a bun.
Well, you never know if it's going to run!

LOVETT
Try the friar,
Fried, it's drier!

TODD
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!

LOVETT
Then actor,
It's compacter!

TODD
Ah but always arrives overdone!
(spoken) I'll come again when you have judge on the menu!

(singing) Have charity towards the world, my pet!

LOVETT
Yes, yes, I know, my love!

TODD
We'll take the customers that we can get!

LOVETT
High-born and low, my love!

TODD
We'll not discriminate great from small!
No, we'll serve anyone,
Meaning anyone,

BOTH
And to anyone
At all!

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