A girl once went to the fair to hire herself for servant. And at last a funny looking old gentleman engaged her and took her home to his house. And when she got there he told he had something to teach her, for in his house he had his own names for things.

He said to her, "What will you call me?"

"Master or Mister, or whatever you please, sir," said she.

He said, "You must call me Master of all Masters. And what will you call this?" pointing to his bed.

"Well, sir, bed or couch, or whatever you please, sir."

"No, that's my barnacle. And what do you call these?" said he, pointing to his pantaloons.

"Breeches or trousers, or whatever you please, sir."

"You must call them squibs and crackers. And what would you call her?" pointing to the cat.

"Cat or kit, or whatever you please, sir."

"No, no, no. You must call her Whiteface Simonie. And this, now?" showing the fire. "What would you call this?"

"Fire or flame, or whatever you please, sir."

"You must call it hot cocolorum. And what's this?" he went on, pointing to the water.

"Water or wet, or whatever you please, sir."

"No, condolorum is it's name. And what do you call all this?" asked he, as he pointed to the house.

"House or cottage, or whatever you please, sir."

"You must call it High Topper Mountain."

That very night the servant woke up her master in a fright and said," Master of all Masters, get up out of your barnacle and put on your squibs and crackers for Whiteface Simonie has got a spark of hot cocolorum on it's tail and unless you get some condolorum High Topper Mountain will be on hot cocolorum!"

Which is even worse than Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.

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