Intro

YAMI: You're watching Yu-Gi-Oh! When you could be outside doing something else!

Outside

JOEY: Finally! Fresh air! I love the smell of card games in the morning!

TÉA: Look guys, we're right outside Pegasus's castle!

JOEY: Now we just gotta win the prize money! And then I can buy some new friends.

YUGI: What about your sister, Joey?

JOEY: Yeah, I can buy a new sister too!

TÉA: I'm glad Bakura's gay, otherwise we never would have gotten out of that cave.

BAKURA: Oh, so just because I have a gaydar, you automatically a__ume I'm gay? b_____ tart.

Intro sequence

YUGI: Hey Téa, remember the time we became friends?

TÉA: No, but I do remember the 4Kids version.

Flashback to Téa's restaurant she used to work in

TÉA: Welcome to Kentucky Fried McBurger King, where all our meat is freshly slaughtered! (sees Yugi and Joey)

TÉA: (thinking) Oh shoot, it's those dorks from school! They'll drive away our customers with all their talk of card games. I've got to do something!

JOEY: Hey Yug, you know what they call a Quarter Pounder in France? A Royale with Cheese! It's all because of the metric system.

YUGI: I wonder what they call the Super Special Awesome Burger?

TÉA: Kiss my grits, you geeks!

YUGI: Holy cow, I think I'm in love!

TÉA: I don't want to be just a waitress my whole life, you know. I'm saving up my money to be a table dancer in New York.

JOEY: Hey, that's where my accent used to live.

at school

TÉA: (voiceover) The next day I found a suspicious note in my locker.

NOTE: Dear Téa, we found you a secret dance studio. Please come at once. PS: Bring lots of money so that I can steal it from you.

at the "dance studio"

TÉA: Well this is just about the worst dance studio ever! (a mugger appears) Hey, are you my dance instructor?

MUGGER: Just hand over all your money, girly!

TÉA: Screw you man, I'm not paying for lessons! (she bites his arm and gets flung into the wall and knocked out)

TÉA: (voiceover) I was unconscious for this next part, but fortunately I can still remember it!

YAMI: I'm here for my ballet classes. I should warn you, I look d___ good in a tutu.

MUGGER: Get lost, I'm tryin' to mug this girl.

YAMI: You won't like me when I'm angry. Hulk Smash! (mind crushes him)

TÉA: (voiceover) When I woke up I was staring at the man of my dreams.

YAMI: Hey, sweet cheeks, you wanna get off the dance floor? I'm about to shake my money maker.

End flashback

TÉA: And then we got married and had two beautiful children.

YUGI: I'm pretty sure I don't remember that part. Hey Téa do you still have that waitress uniform?

TRISTAN: Hey! Stop developing your characters, we have card games to play!

YUGI: Look everyone, some random loser is blocking our path.

KAIBA: Ever since you beat me in that first episode, nobody has been able to take me seriously. But that will all change once I defeat you in a children's card game.

BAKURA: That Kaiba bloke needs to get s___ged.

KAIBA: (thinking) I have to beat Yugi if I ever want to see my little brother again. I miss you Mokuba...

Flashback to Mokuba being kidnapped from his home by Kemo, subtitled KIDNAPPING #1

Flashback to Mokuba being kidnapped by Kemo at the Duelist Kingdom, subtitled KIDNAPPING #2

Flashback (well, foward) to Mokuba being kidnapped in the Virtual World in a net, subtitled KIDNAPPING #46

Flash foward to Mokuba being kidnapped by Bakura, subtitled KIDNAPPING #83

Flash foward to Mouba being kidnapped by a helicopter, subtitled KIDNAPPING #171

Flash foward to Mokuba being kidnapped by Tristan, subtitled KIDNAPPING #2,042

KAIBA: (thinking) Hmm, perhaps I should consider keeping him on a leash.

YAMI: I accept your challenge, Kaiba. Kicking your b___ never gets old.

On the roof

KAIBA: Lets play on the roof as a homage to Clerks. We'll use my new Duel Disk system, because I have a hard-on for technology.

JOEY: Don't worry Yug, we'll be supporting ya all the way.

TRISTAN: Ten bucks on Kaiba!

TÉA: Fifty bucks on Kaiba!

BAKURA: A hundred quid on Kaiba!

Outside the castle

KEITH: I've won ten star chips.. in America!

KEMO: My hair is inviting you to enter the castle!

KEITH: Don't mind if I do! (enters the castle) Man, that guy sure likes talking about his hair.

KEMO: Man, that guy sure likes talking about America.

On the roof

KAIBA: You may have beaten me before, Yugi, but this time I have the upper hand. I've placed my faith in the heart of the cards, and without Exodia, you have no chance of overcoming my unstoppable Blue-Eyes White Dragons!

YAMI: Yeah, well at least I'm not adopted!

KAIBA: What did you just say?

YAMI: Oh, sorry, did I touch a nerve? Why don't you run home and cry to mommy? Oh that's right, you don't have one!

KAIBA: Yugi, I respect you as a duelist, but if you continue to act like a petulant child then-

YAMI: Hey, everybody, look at me! I'm Seto Kaiba! I have a dragon fetish, and I sound like Brock, from Pokémon! Screw the rules, I'm in love with Nurse Joy!

KAIBA: That's it, Muto, you're f*cking dead! (draws a card) with this card I'll be able to combine three of my Blue-Eyes White Dragons in order to summon a monster without peer! A monster so powerful that-

YAMI: For the love of Ra, just play the d___ card already.

KAIBA: Fine. Come forth, Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon!

YAMI: Oh, p___ie!

JOEY: Get up on the Hydra's back, Yug!

YUGI: I activate Asexual Reproduction! Prepare to be completely smothered by my giant hairy b____!

Watching from a tower above

KEITH: This is almost as exciting as my favourite movie, Pearl Harbor! Those j__anese b______s got what was coming to them.. in America!

YAMI: I shall fuse my Mammoth Graveyard with your Dragon, causing it to decay from the inside!

KAIBA: How the hell did you do that?

YAMI: It's called cheating, deal with it!

KAIBA: I'd rather die than lose to my arch rival. (steps up onto the edge of the roof)

BAKURA: Oh my! If Yugi attacks, the shock waves could send Kaiba flying right off the edge of the castle!

KAIBA: Your gay friend is right, Yugi.

BAKURA: I'm not gay, I'm just British!

YAMI: Dude, don't you think you're overreacting a little? I mean it's just a card game.

KAIBA: Card games are serious business. Now unleash your attack, if you have the guts!

JOEY: This is awesome! Yugi's gonna kill Kaiba!

TRISTAN: I've always dreamed this moment would come!

YAMI: Kaiba must die!

YUGI: But what would grandpa say?

GRANDPA: Yuuugiii... kill that son of a b____!

TÉA: Yugi, no! You can't take this risk! He might survive!

YUGI: She's right! We can't! Stop!

KEITH: I don't believe it! Yugi forfeited the match to Kaiba! Ben Affleck would be ashamed.. in America!

KAIBA: I knew my emo strategy would pay off. You geeks are so gullible.

YUGI: I lost a card game! I no longer have a reason to live!

BAKURA: In that case, can I be the main character?

YUGI: Hell no!

BAKURA: b_____!

End. Beck's "Loser" plays.

CAPTION: [they call it "le super special awesome burger"]

Stinger:

WEEVIL: (as Nappa from Dragon Ball Z) Vegeta! What does the scouter say about his power level?

Noah appears on screen with a Life Point counter reading 9300

REX: (as Vegeta) It's over NINE THOOOUUSAAAAND!!!!

WEEVIL: WHAT?!?!?! Nine thousand?!?

See also:
JustSomeLyrics
73
73.64
Er zit meer in een liedje samson en gert Lyrics
Stephen Sondheim Sweeney Todd/God, That's Good! Lyrics