MRS. LOVETT:
Seems a downright shame...

TODD: Shame?

LOVETT:
Seems an awful waste...
Such a nice, plump frame
Wot's 'is name has...
Had...
Has!
Nor it can't be traced...
Bus'ness needs a lift,
Debts to be erased...
Think of it as thrift,
As a gift,
If you get my drift!

No?

Seems an awful waste...
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is,
When you get it,
If you get it...

TODD: HAH!

LOVETT:
Good, you got it!

Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!
Bus'ness never better using only p____cats and toast!
And a p____'s good for maybe six or seven at the most!
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!

[Simultaneously]

TODD:
Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion

LOVETT:
Well, it does seem a waste...

TODD:
Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always!

LOVETT:
It's an idea...

TODD:
Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived
Without you all these years, I'll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!

LOVETT:
Think about it!
Lots of other gentlemen'll
Soon be comin' for a shave,
Won't they?
Think of
All them
Pies!

TODD:
How choice!

How
Rare!

TODD:
For what's the sound of the world out there?

LOVETT:
What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?

TODD:
Those crunching noises pervading the air!

LOVETT:
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!

TODD:
It's man devouring man, my dear!

BOTH:
And [LOVETT: Then] who are we to deny it in here?

TODD: What is that?

LOVETT:
It's priest. Have a little priest.

TODD:
Is it really good?

LOVETT:
Sir, it's too good, at least!
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh,
So it's pretty fresh.

TODD:
Awful lot of fat.

LOVETT:
Only where it sat.

TODD:
Haven't you got poet, or something like that?

LOVETT:
No, y'see, the trouble with poet is
'Ow do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest!

LOVETT:
Lawyer's rather nice.

TODD:
If it's for a price.

LOVETT:
Order something else, though, to follow,
Since no one should swallow it twice!

TODD:
Anything that's lean.

LOVETT:
Well, then, if you're British and loyal,
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it's clean.
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!

TODD:
Is that squire,
On the fire?

LOVETT:
Mercy no, sir, look closer,
You'll notice it's grocer!

TODD:
Looks thicker,
More like vicar!

LOVETT:
No, it has to be grocer --
It's green!

TODD:
The history of the world, my love --

LOVETT:
Save a lot of graves,
Do a lot of relatives favors!

TODD:
Is those below serving those up above!

LOVETT:
Ev'rybody shaves,
So there should be plenty of flavors!

TODD:
How gratifying for once to know

BOTH:
That those above will serve those down below!

TODD: What is that?

LOVETT:
It's fop.
Finest in the shop.
And we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I've just begun --
Here's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily,
Have one!

TODD:
Put it on a bun.
Well, you never know if it's going to run!

LOVETT:
Try the friar,
Fried, it's drier!

TODD:
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!

LOVETT:
Then actor,
That's compacter!

TODD:
Yes, and always arrives overdone!
I'll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu!

TODD:
Have charity towards the world, my pet!

LOVETT:
Yes, yes, I know, my love!

TODD:
We'll take the customers that we can get!

LOVETT:
High-born and low, my love!

TODD:
We'll not discriminate great from small!
No, we'll serve anyone,
Meaning anyone,

BOTH:
And to anyone
At all!

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