Well after all, Pickering, I'm an ordinary man
Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance To live exactly as he likes,
And do precisely what he wants...
An average man am I, of no eccentric whim,
Who likes to live his life, free of strife,
Doing whatever he thinks is best for him,
Well... just an ordinary man...

But, let a woman in your life
And your serenity is through,
She'll redecorate your home,
From the cellar to the dome,
Then go on to the enthralling
Fun of overhauling you...

Let a woman in your life,
And you're up against a wall,
Make a plan and you will find,
She has something else in mind,
And so rather than do either
You do something else that neither likes at all.

You want to talk of Keats or Milton,
She only wants to talk of love,
You go to see a play or ballet,
And spend it searching for her glove.

Let a woman in your life
And you invite eternal strife,
Let them buy their wedding bands
For those anxious little hands
I'd be equally as willing
For a dentist to be drilling
Than to ever let a woman in my life

I'm a very gentle man,
Even-tempered and good-natured
Who you never hear complain,
Who has the milk of human kindness
By the quart in every vein,
A patient man am I, down to my fingertips,
The sort who never could, ever would,
Let an insulting remark escape his lips
Just a very gentle man...

But, let a woman in your life,
And patience hasn't got a chance,
She will beg you for advice,
Your reply will be concise,
And she will listen very nicely,
And then go out and do precisely what she wants!

You are a man of grace and polish,
Who never spoke above a hush,
Now all at once you're using language
That would make a sailor blush

Let a woman in your life,
And you're plunging in a knife,
Let the others of my s__,
Tie the knot around their necks,
I prefer a new edition
Of the Spanish Inquisition
Than to ever let a woman in my life

I'm a quiet living man,
Who prefers to spend the evening
In the silence of his room,
Who likes an atmosphere as restful
As an undiscovered tomb,
A pensive man am I,
Of philosophic joys,
Who likes to meditate, contemplate,
Far for humanity's mad inhuman noise,
A quiet living man....

But, let a woman in your life,
And your sabbatical is through,
In a line that never ends
Comes an army of her friends,
Come to jabber and to chatter
And to tell her what the matter is with you!

She'll have a booming boisterous family,
Who will descend on you en masse,
She'll have a large Wagnerian mother,
With a voice that shatters glass.

Let a woman in your life,
Let a woman in your life,
Let a woman in your life
I shall never let a woman in my life.

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