A man came ridin' oot the west one wild and stormy day
He was quiet , lean, and hungry - his eyes were smokey grey
He was lean across the hurdies, but his shooders they were big
The terror o' the Heilan glens - that was the Portree Kid

Hee-durum-ho ... Hee-durum-hey ... The Teuchter, that come, frae Skye

His sidekick was an aura man, and oh, but he was mean
He was called The Midnight Ploughboy, and he come frae Aberdeen
He had twentyseven notches on his cromack so they say
And he killed a million Indians - way up in Stornoway

Portree booted in the door, he sauntered tae the bar
He poured a shot ay Crabby's, he shouted 'Slainte Mhath'
While Midnight was bein chatted up, by a bar room girl called Pam
Who said well howdy stranger, would ye buy us a Babycham

Now over in the corner sat three men frae Auchtertool
They were playing games for money, in a Snakes and Ladders school
The fourth man was a Southerner, who'd come up from MacMerry
He'd been a river Gambler, on the Balachulish ferry

Hee-durum-ho ... Hee-durum-hey ... The Teuchter, that come, frae Skye

Portree walked tae the table, and he shouted shake me in
He shougled on the egg cup, he gave the dice a spin
He threw seven sixes in a row, and the game was nearly done
But then he landed on a snake, and finished on square one

The game was nearly over, and Portree was dain fine
He'd landed on a ladder, he was up tae fortynine
he only had but one tae go, and the other man was beat
But the gambler couped the board ower, and shouted you're a cheat

Men dived behind the rubber plants, tae try and save their skin
Tha accordianist stopped playin, his sidekick dropped the spoons
He said I think it's funny, ye've been up that ladder twice
An ye aywees turned the table, when i go tae throw me dice

Hee-durum-ho ... Hee-durum-hey ... The Teuchter, that come, frae Skye

The gambler drew his sgian dubh, as fast as lightning speed
Portree grabbed a screwtop, he cracked him oer the heed
Then he gave him laldy wi' a salmon aff the wall
And he finished off the business, wi' his lucky Grouse foot's claw

Portree walked up tae the bar, he says i'll hae a half
And dae ye like the way i stuck it, tae that wee McMerri nyaff
But the Southerner crept up behind, his featured racked wi pain
And he gubbed him wi an ashtray, made oot a curlin stain

The fight went ragin on all night, till openin time next day
Break for soup n stovies, off a coronation tray
It was gettin kinda obvious that neither man would win
when came the shout that stopped it aw, 'there's a bus trip comin' in'

Hee-durum-ho ... Hee-durum-hey ... The Teuchter, that come, frae Skye

They sing this song in Galashiels and up by Peterheed
Way down oer the border, across the Rio Tweed
About what became of Portree, Midnight and the Gamblin man
They opened up a gift shop, sellin' fresh air in a can

Hee-durum-ho ... Hee-durum-hey ... The Teuchter, that come, frae Skye

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