Jesus Christ come on down!

If you ever wondered how
You get triangles from a cow
You need b___er, milk and cheese
And an equilateral chainsaw

In debt I owe someone a fiver
Maybe I should try my hand at drag
James Dean was just a careless driver
And Marilyn Monroe was just a slag

99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd (x4)

Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were astounded
Everywhere she went
Gynaecologists surrounded

They've been cooking on Blue Peter
Now they're sampling the dishes
"I don't normally like tomatoes John
But this is delicious"

99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd (x4)

Take me home

The son of Jimmy c___heroe is shouting out
"Where's my fiorucci?"

Now the Krona rumour spread
But they didn't tell the bread
Did you honestly think that they would?

And if 8 out of 10 cats all prefer Whiskas
Do the other two prefer Lesley Judd?

99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd (x4)

---------------------- end of song -------------------------

--------- below is a key to understanding the song ---------

Bob Todd is one of the two ugly blokes on the
"Benny Hill Show", the one who didn't receive punishment.

James Dean, Marilyn Monroe Hollywood actor/actress of shortened lifespans.

Jimmy c___heroe comedian, perennial naughty-schoolboy,
died on teh day of his mother's cremation.

"If you've ever wondered how you get triangles from a cow"
refers to the Dairylea soft cheese adverts. Pedantic
note: they aren't even triangles.

Fiorucci Expensive and once trendy brand of Italian clothing.

Krona Unilever's idea of a replacement for b___er and margarine.
Remember those 'Danish margarine history' ads from years back?
They were all a lie, Krona was first launched in Germany, apparently.

John [Noakes], Lesley Judd "Blue Peter" kids TV program
presenters of 70's. Lesley Judd also did Whiskas adverts.

Whiskas was the name of the Blue Peter cat, as well as being a brand of cat food.
"8 out of 10 owners who expressed a preference chose Whiskas..." Like, the owners ate Whiskas too?

See also:
JustSomeLyrics
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