"Who's that knocking at my door?" x3

Said the fair young maiden

"Open the door you f___ing w____!" cried Barnacle Bill the sailor x2

"Wipe your feet upon the mat"...

"To Hell with the mat, you can't f___ with that"...

"Shall we go to the dance?"

"To Hell with the dance and down with your pants!"

"What's that thing between your legs?"

"It's only me pole to stick up your hole"

"What's that stuff around your pole?"

"It's only me grass to tickle your a__"

"What's that dripping down my thigh?"

"It's only shellac to fill up your crack"

"What's that dripping down my leg?"

"It's only a shot that missed your t___"

"Do I detect the smell of fish?"

"It's only your taste that's on my face"

"I think I have a little cold"

"You better not sneeze when you're on your knees"

"I'm afraid to have a child"

"It'll be safe to c__ when I'm up your b__"

"What if we should have a boy?"

"He'll go to sea and f___ like me!"

"What if we should have a girl?" just once

"We'll dig a ditch and bury the b____"

"What if ma and pa should see?"

"I'll f___ your ma and blow your pa"

"Is there a lesson to be learned?"

"The widespread availability of emergency contraceptives is important"

See also:
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