Weird Al Yanakavich The Real Slim Santa Lyrics

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Santa please stand up?
I repeat will the real Slim Santa please stand up?
Were gonna have a problem here.
Y'all act like you never seen Santa before.
Toys all over your floor.
Who the heck you think brought them?
It wasn't drunk dad or you're mother that w____.
It was me now I'm skinny and I'll tell you the score.
It's the return of Christmas but not the jolly fat elf.
My a__ got so big I couldn't wipe it myself.
And my doctor said Santa you never looked worse.
Lose 200 pounds or your hearts gonna burst.
Everybody love me big and fat.
Ho, ho, ho. big a__ Santa look it him walking around.
His belly like jelly.
Have some more eggnog.
They didn't give **** if my Audre clogged.
So I said **** them and i joined a gym.
Started eating low fat cookies drinking milk that was skim.
I lost so much weight I could see my candy
cane and Misses Clause was happy I could **** her again.
Your name is on my list, your name is on my list.
And if your nice not naughty I might give you a little gift.
But here's a message for you if your a big fat slob.
If your guts in the way a girl bob on your nob.
You can't expect a ho to gobble your goo if you sit there eating Twinkies,
watching s_____ Doo.
If you ain't nothing but chubby no girl wants a fat hubby.
You'll and up working construction.
You love life flying in ruins and destruction.
By the time your thirty you'll be asking Santa for a life of suction.
But if your thin you'll get seduction.
Underneath the mistletoe, sing the chorus and it goes!
I'm Slim Santa, yes I'm the real Kringle.
All you fly girls like my b____ cause they jingle.
So won't the real Slim Santa please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up? Cause I'm the Slim Santa.
Yes, I'm the Saint Nick.
All you other fat Santa's can suck my fat ****.
So Won't the real Slim Santa please stand up, please stand up, please stand up. I guess theres a Slim Santa in all of us.
On Donner, On Blitzen! Lets get the **** out of here. West side!
and should NOT be taken literally