Weird Al Yancovic Amish Paradise Lyrics

As i walk throught the valley where i harvest my grain,
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain.
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me,
you know I shun fancy things like electricity.
At 4:30 in the mornin' i'm milking cows,
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
and I've been milking and plowing so long that
even Ezekial thinks that my mind is gone.
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline,
got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin,
but if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine,
then tonight we're going to party like it's 1699.

(Chorus)
we've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise,
I churn b___er once or twice, living in an Amish Paradise,
It's hard work and sacrifice, living in an Amish Paradise,
We sell quilts at discount price, living in an Amish Paradise.

A local boy kicked me in the b___ last week,
i just smiled at him, and I turned the other cheek.
I don't really care, in fact I wish him well,
cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in Hell.
I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it,
an Amish with a 'tude, you know that's unheard of.
I never wear b___ons, but I got a cool hat,
and my homies agree i really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears,
we haven't even payed the phone bill in 300 years,
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare,
we're just technologically impaired.

there's no phone, no lights, no motorcars, not a single
luxury,
like robonson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be,

(chorus)
we've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise,
we're just plain and simple guys, living in an Amish Paradise,
there's no time for sin and vice, living in an Amish Paradise,
We don't fight, we all play nice, living in an Amish Paradise

Hitching up the buggy, churning lots of b___er,
raised a barn on Monday, soon i'll raise anutter
think you're really rightious?
think you're pure in heart?
well i know i'm a million times as humble as thou art.
I'm the pioust guy the little Amletts want to be like
on my knees day and night scoring points for the afterlife.
so don't be vain, and don't be whiney,
or else my brother might have to get medieval on your hiney.

(chorus)
we've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise,
We're all crazy Mennonites, living in an Amish Paradise,
there's no cops or traffic lights, living in an Amish Paradise,
But you'd probably think it bites, living in an Amish Paradise,

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
ah-ah
ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah,
yech!