They call me Robert Petrie and I live in New Rochelle
With my wife Laura and son Ritchie
But now my life's a living hell cause...

I tripped over the ottoman
One too many times
I tripped over the ottoman
Until I lost my mind

I was head writer for Alan Brady
Maybe you've seen his show
It's not very funny and it makes my ears bleed
This week's guest star isn't Danny Thomas
This week's guest star is Death!

All day long I crank out one-liners
With Buddy, Sal and Mel
Once I laughed at Buddy's jokes
But now my life's a living hell cause...

I tripped over the ottoman
One too many times
I tripped over the ottoman
Until I lost my mind

Morey Amsterdam can make a sane man crazy
Morey Amsterdam could make a nice guy kill
(x2) and...

I tripped over the ottoman
One too many times
I tripped over the ottoman
Until I lost my mind

Come here Laura; come to me
I've been up all night listening to Ice-T albums
Now it's time for you to get yours
Hello Mel! This is my friend, Mr. Chain Saw!
Hello Buddy! It's time you die, like the pig you are
In the gutter, gasping for air
This is a hand grenade, Sal
A hand grenade!
Ya know what a hand grenade does?
It EXPLODES!

What did you bring me daddy? (x3)
Well, I brought you death!

Joe: All right!

6 + [untitled]

Take it, boys.

Yeah, my sister's really movin' up in the world. She dates a full-blown
professor! Goes by the name of Professor Griff. He's a great guy; he's
a good ol' boy, that wild ol' Professor Griff. I think he's a history
professor. The other day, he told me the wildest story about the
history of jewellery.

Anyway, come nightfall, we all love to sit on the porch, an' Sis plays
the banjo, I play the jug, an' Professor Griff breaks out his Jew's
harp and just flails away. God, I love that guy!

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