MRS. LOVETT
Seems a downright shame

SWEENEY TODD
Shame?

MRS. LOVETT
Seems an awful waste, such a nice, plump frame
Wot's 'is name has, had, has, no it can't be traced
Business needs a lift, debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift, as a gift, if you get my drift

No?

Seems an awful waste, I mean, with the price of meat
What it is, when you get it, if you get it

SWEENEY TODD
Ah!

MRS LOVETT
Good, you got it!

Take, for instance, Mrs Mooney and her pie shop
Business never better using only p____cats and toast
Now, a p____'s good for maybe six or seven at the most
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste

SWEENEY TODD
Mrs Lovett, what a charming notion

MRS LOVETT
Well, it does seem a waste

SWEENEY TODD
Eminently practical and yet appropriate as always
Mrs Lovett, how I've lived without you all these years
I'll never know!

How delectable

MRS LOVETT
Think about it!
Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming for a shave

SWEENEY TODD
Also undetectable

MRS LOVETT
Won't they? Think of all them pies

SWEENEY TODD
How choice, how rare!
For what's the sound of the world out there?

MRS LOVETT
What, Mr Todd? What, Mr Todd?
What is that sound?

SWEENEY TODD
Those crunching noises pervading the air!

MRS LOVETT
Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!

SWEENEY TODD
It's man devouring man, my dear!

BOTH
Then who are we to deny it in here?

MRS LOVETT
It's priest, have a little priest

SWEENEY TODD
Is it really good?

MRS LOVETT
Sir, it's too good, at least
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh
So it's pretty fresh

SWEENEY TODD
Awful lot of fat

MRS LOVETT
Only where it's at

SWEENEY TODD
Haven't you got poet, or something like that?

MRS LOVETT
No, you see, the trouble with poet is
How do you know he's deceased? Try the priest

Lawyer's rather nice

SWEENEY TODD
If it's for a price

MRS LOVETT
Order something else, though, to follow
Since no one should swallow it twice

SWEENEY TODD
Anything that's lean

MRS LOVETT
Well, then, if you're British and loyal
You might enjoy Royal Marine, anyway, it's clean
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been

SWEENEY TODD
Is that squire on the fire?

MRS LOVETT
Mercy no, Sir, look closer, you'll notice it's grocer

SWEENEY TODD
Looks thicker, more like vicar

MRS LOVETT
No, it has to be grocer, it's green

SWEENEY TODD
The history of the world, my love

MRS LOVETT
Save a lot of graves, do a lot of relatives favors

SWEENEY TODD
Is those below serving those up above

MRS LOVETT
Everybody shaves, so there should be plenty of flavors

SWEENEY TODD
How gratifying for once to know

BOTH
That those above will serve those down below

SWEENEY TODD
What is that?

MRS LOVETT
It's fop, finest in the shop
And we have some shepherd's pie peppered with actual shepherd on top
And I've just begun, here's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily, have one!

SWEENEY TODD
Put it on a bun, well, you never know if it's going to run

MRS LOVETT
Try the friar, fried, it's drier

SWEENEY TODD
No, the clergy is really too coarse and too mealy

MRS LOVETT
Then actor, that's compacter

SWEENEY TODD
Ah, but always arrives overdone
I'll come again when you have judge on the menu

A charity towards the world, my pet!

MRS LOVETT
Yes, yes, I know, my love!

SWEENEY TODD
We'll take the customers that we can get!

MRS LOVETT
High-born and low, my love!

SWEENEY TODD
We'll not discriminate great from small!
No, we'll serve anyone

BOTH
We'll serve anyone and to anyone at all

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