If you're in trouble he will save the day,
He's brave and he's fearless come what may,
Without him the mission would go astray.

He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer,
Without him life would be much grimmer,
He's handsome, trim, and noone's slimmer,
He will never need a zimmer.

He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer,
More reliable than a garden strimmer,
He's never been mistaken for Yul Brynner,
He's not bald, and his head doesn't glimmer.

Master of the wit and the repartee,
His command of s___e Directives is uncanny,
How come he's such a genius?
Don't ask me!

He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer,
He's also a fantastic swimmer,
And if you play your cards right, then he just might come around for dinner.

He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer,
No rhymes left now apart from quimmer,
We hope they play us out before we get to shlimmer,
Play us out, you stupid flimmer!

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