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00:00:03.20,00:00:11.40
So like I guess when we look at like on the internet we see lots of people from way in Europe like the show..

00:00:11.50,00:00:13.50
and they're watching it, y'know..

00:00:13.60,00:00:17.20
and like a lot of them, they probably don't even speak english

00:00:17.60,00:00:22.00
All the Germanic people and stuff and the people from Ho-land..

00:00:22.40,00:00:27.00
they still watch it because they know what a good show is 'cause..

00:00:27.10,00:00:30.20
they're probably at least smart enough to know what a good show is

00:00:30.50,00:00:31.90
Not like Kyle

00:00:32.20,00:00:34.90
Kyle like watches these movie all the time

00:00:34.90,00:00:38.50
Like "Driving Taxis" and stuff and like "Raging Cows"..

00:00:38.50,00:00:40.80
and he's always like "Scorcese!" and stuff..

00:00:40.81,00:00:43.01
and he's like "sit down and watch it with me Jeremy..

00:00:43.01,00:00:48.01
'cause this movie's so good about driving taxis it's got to be better than playing your games"

00:00:48.11,00:00:52.91
And I just laugh at him y'know like.. I like good movies, that are smart..

00:00:52.91,00:00:55.91
like "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"

00:00:55.91,00:00:59.21
that's like my favorite.. that's a real good movie..

00:00:59.31,00:01:06.71
especially the part near the end when they go to the noobs houses and they totally pwn 'em.. that's like pretty cool

00:01:06.91,00:01:13.51
So like me and Kyle know these guys we're gonna go see.. they're from Europe or whatever

00:01:13.61,00:01:17.01
I don't speak Germanic or like..

00:01:18.51,00:01:20.21
Hollandaise I guess

00:01:20.71,00:01:24.21
And so we're gonna get these guys to maybe translate a message for me..

00:01:24.42,00:01:25.42
to their people

00:01:25.72,00:01:30.02
This is my friend Mirco who speaks Germanic

00:01:30.12,00:01:33.92
and so he works with like lasers and stuff..

00:01:34.12,00:01:37.22
Lots of games use lasers to blow stuff up

00:01:37.22,00:01:42.82
and that's real cool cause you see lots of lasers in good video games that aren't about orcs and stuff

00:01:43.12,00:01:48.32
And he tells me he's building laser guns that are gonna totally blow up the Earth and stuff..

00:01:48.32,00:01:53.82
and he says I'll totally get to use them 'cause I got like the micro and they're gonna need people with micro to control them..

00:01:53.82,00:01:56.92
and so that's pretty cool I think y'know

00:01:57.32,00:02:00.62
So.. Hello German noobs!

00:02:03.72,00:02:07.12
I like pwn all you noobs

00:02:10.53,00:02:16.53
And I've found that typically German people are suck at most games

00:02:21.33,00:02:23.53
And like that's all I want to say to you noobs

00:02:23.83,00:02:27.43
So like.. Hello Hollandish noobs!

00:02:29.73,00:02:33.73
I like pwn like all of you like hard

00:02:38.63,00:02:43.53
And like I hope the weather is good in Ho-land

00:02:47.53,00:02:50.33
* I am the pwnage! b____es! *

00:03:01.00,00:03:05.20
(Subtitle Translations by Your Name)

00:03:13.50,00:03:17.30
Hey noobs.. welcome to like my show

00:03:17.60,00:03:19.60
Pure Pwnage

00:03:19.80,00:03:24.20
Got some kinda bad news.. it came out recently that like EA..

00:03:24.30,00:03:26.20
who like makes Zero Hour

00:03:26.20,00:03:29.70
which is like.. y'know it's like the best game out there[br][br](editor's note: please do not purchase Zero Hour)

00:03:29.90,00:03:33.80
Apparently they're not gonna support the game anymore

00:03:34.30,00:03:37.40
patch 1.2 that's like it.. there's no 1.3

00:03:37.70,00:03:41.40
China Inf can't stay like that for like ever y'know.. and USA Air

00:03:41.40,00:03:46.00
Like it might as well be China Inf versus USA Air.... Hour

00:03:46.51,00:03:50.21
Warcraft its like the ghey and stuff, don't get me wrong

00:03:50.51,00:03:56.61
like orcs and stuff.. y'know and like bows and arrows and dragons and some magic and stuff

00:03:56.71,00:04:00.41
it's pretty much for guys that like, y'know..

00:04:01.21,00:04:02.91
never gonna have s__ and stuff

00:04:03.11,00:04:05.61
I have to respect Blizzard 'cause like..

00:04:05.71,00:04:08.11
at least they care somewhat y'know..

00:04:08.21,00:04:10.91
they have like 15 patches and they actually care about the stuff

00:04:11.31,00:04:15.01
Y'know so I guess what I'm just saying is that like..

00:04:15.61,00:04:18.61
EA like sucks my b____

00:04:19.11,00:04:22.71
I think that's like what I'm saying pretty much

00:04:22.72,00:04:23.92
They just suck my b____

00:04:23.92,00:04:27.72
Like I got this one ball here.. E.. E like sucks like this ball here..

00:04:27.82,00:04:31.02
and then the A.. the A sucks my other ball here..

00:04:31.02,00:04:34.32
So the E and the A are just sucking both my b____

00:04:37.12,00:04:45.12
And uhh.. y'know I think the next big unit that people are gonna start using a lot more are probably gonna be saboteurs, 'cause they actually..

00:04:45.32,00:04:50.62
they pwn like pretty hard y'know.. get 'em in something and it's gonna like shut it down

00:04:51.62,00:04:55.02
Kyle.. is that Doug?

00:05:08.52,00:05:12.02
Y'know I've known Doug for like a pretty long time right

00:05:12.52,00:05:15.82
We were like little noobs together y'know?

00:05:15.92,00:05:18.12
Frag Out!

00:05:19.42,00:05:21.32
Doug.. he's kinda weird that way

00:05:21.32,00:05:24.62
I don't know if his brain like works too good

00:05:24.92,00:05:29.12
It's like I just like to play with people! C'mon I can dance all day! I can dance all day!

00:05:29.23,00:05:31.53
Just try to hit me! C'mon try! Try!

00:05:31.63,00:05:33.53
BOOM HEADSHOT! BOOM HEADSHOT!

00:05:33.53,00:05:35.13
It's like BOOM HEADSHOT!

00:05:35.13,00:05:39.03
Dancing.. dancing.. you see me dancing? you see me dancing?

00:05:39.33,00:05:44.33
Y'know he's just like.. has lots of energy and always talking about like killing people and stuff

00:05:45.73,00:05:46.63
BOOM HEADSHOT!

00:05:46.63,00:05:49.53
It's like I can dance all day! Coming down it's like..

00:05:49.73,00:05:53.43
BOOOOOOMM HHEEEAAADDSSSHHOOOTTTT

00:05:53.93,00:05:57.33
And uhhh.. I think that's just a little weird y'know

00:05:58.23,00:05:59.73
So you want me in the show then?

00:05:59.74,00:06:02.74
- Yeah for sure, just.. just introduce yourself

00:06:03.74,00:06:05.24
What's up? I'm Doug!

00:06:05.84,00:06:06.64
f___!

00:06:06.74,00:06:11.74
When we were like younger we were kinda like little noobs together y'know..

00:06:11.74,00:06:16.34
and we'd kinda just noob out like playing with toys and stuff..

00:06:17.44,00:06:22.44
Then we got into like video games and stuff.. like we'd play like Nintendo..

00:06:22.44,00:06:25.24
and then later like some Sega and stuff

00:06:25.54,00:06:32.94
And uhh.. y'know we got older and then eventually we like.. well we like y'know bought.. some PCs y'know

00:06:33.44,00:06:39.14
Yeah I guess you could say I pwn noobs FPS-style, which is pretty much why me and Jeremy don't get along no more.. one day I brought home Doom

00:06:39.34,00:06:44.24
And so Doug.. yeah I tried to get Doug into RTS once.. I played some Red Alert 2 with him and uhh..

00:06:45.35,00:06:50.35
I like.. y'know I like killed him in like 30 seconds with a Mirage Tank right

00:06:50.65,00:06:55.05
So I pwned him at Doom and he was like "fahg" and I'm like "noob".. and the he just left

00:06:55.25,00:06:59.75
and he's like "fahg" and I'm like "ghey" and stuff.. and uhh..

00:07:00.05,00:07:02.25
and then he doesn't like RTS like anymore

00:07:02.25,00:07:06.45
I think FPSs are like.. they're kinda for like noobs y'know

00:07:06.55,00:07:09.85
It's for people like.. maybe you got like micro

00:07:09.95,00:07:13.35
like you're kinda fast y'know.. but you can't think..

00:07:13.35,00:07:14.55
like you're just kinda dumb

00:07:14.65,00:07:17.95
Personally I think he's just afraid of the HEADSHOT! HEADSHOT!

00:07:18.05,00:07:20.05
Hey man I was thinking about you the other day![br][br]Yeah?

00:07:20.06,00:07:23.96
I was pwning up these guys in Army Ops.. it was like 5 guys on D, me on a__ault..

00:07:23.96,00:07:26.66
busting into suicide it's like BOOM HEADSHOT, there was a guy right there..

00:07:26.76,00:07:29.96
bust through there, there's a guy at the top of the stairs.. guess what? BOOM HEADSHOT

00:07:29.96,00:07:33.26
A guy's coming around the corner through the secondary valve.. guess what happened man?

00:07:33.26,00:07:34.66
like.. Headshot?

00:07:34.66,00:07:37.56
OH YEAH! HEADSHOT man, HEADSHOT!

00:07:37.66,00:07:41.46
Well I'll tell you something that's really cool man.. I was like playing Zero Hour right..

00:07:41.56,00:07:47.46
I was like playing Clan Wars right and I'm all like playing Carnage, he's like Laser USA right..

00:07:47.56,00:07:49.86
and he's like coming in at my base and he's got all these laser tanks right.. he's like..

00:07:50.56,00:07:54.26
'cause I'm like Vanilla GLA right and I like put a saboteur in his power

00:07:54.67,00:07:57.17
and I come in from behind like..

00:07:57.87,00:07:59.97
I'm just like blowing up all the laser tanks right..

00:07:59.97,00:08:03.27
and then my Jarmen he's like sniping and his Pathfinders are like "why can't you hit my Jarmen?"

00:08:03.27,00:08:06.17
I'm like "too bad buddy! my Jarmen's on a bike!" right, so I'm like..

00:08:06.27,00:08:08.87
Pathfinder dead! Pathfinder dead! Pathfinder dead!

00:08:08.87,00:08:12.47
Just gave him some of these..[br][br]Cool man..

00:08:12.57,00:08:16.57
You remember that.. you know that..

00:08:16.87,00:08:19.37
- Yeah that was awesome.. that was like..

00:08:19.47,00:08:23.17
Pwnage! It was like.. pwnage!

00:08:23.57,00:08:25.77
So I see your brother's still a big noob eh?

00:08:26.18,00:08:27.78
Yeah he's.. he's still a noob

00:08:27.78,00:08:32.88
So what did you think that up man? Or were you actually getting your hands dirty this time and getting down there?

00:08:33.38,00:08:36.18
Well y'know I like thought it up and then y'know I like..

00:08:36.18,00:08:38.88
Oh, it's like this big observa-er dude

00:08:38.98,00:08:45.88
Y'know it's like kinda hard to control like 50 units on like 3 fronts and like micro 'em all at the same time man..

00:08:45.88,00:08:49.98
instead of just like.. just controlling your one guy and pointing and shooting right.. it's like..

00:08:50.48,00:08:56.08
just like a little Missile Defender.. can you please control the rest of my army 'cause I don't have like any micro right..

00:08:56.08,00:09:00.68
Well like I need an army to kill a bunch of guys! I don't need nothing but myself!

00:09:00.68,00:09:03.58
It's like.. I'm coming around the corner.. BOOM HEADSHOT

00:09:03.68,00:09:06.08
It's like.. that guy's coming around the corner? BOOM HEADSHOT

00:09:06.09,00:09:08.49
Send your tank! 'cause I got frags! I got frags!

00:09:08.69,00:09:11.89
So you're like a 1 Ranger army coming at me and I'm like..

00:09:11.99,00:09:16.29
SCUD STORM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

00:09:16.69,00:09:21.39
Ok, Mr. Botanical tank with no b____.. that's all I gotta say..[br][br]No b____?

00:09:21.39,00:09:24.69
it's like "Botanical tank! Look at me! No b____! No b____!"[br][br]Want to see some b____?

00:09:24.79,00:09:27.49
My Nuke Overlord will show you some b____!

00:09:30.79,00:09:33.59
Particle Cannon BOOM!

00:09:42.89,00:09:47.59
So I see like Doug's still a total noob eh.. but y'know..

00:09:48.19,00:09:51.59
It's been a while since I saw him and y'know you can only hope for the best y'know..

00:09:51.59,00:09:58.09
you can like take a noob to like water.. but you can't like make a noob drink y'know..

00:09:58.40,00:10:05.10
and so I just like to bring up RTS when he's around and hope maybe someday.. he comes around

00:10:05.60,00:10:07.50
We almost done with this Kyle? 'cause you know what?

00:10:07.50,00:10:09.30
It's almost HEADSHOT time!

00:10:09.40,00:10:10.90
BOOM HEADSHOT!

00:10:20.90,00:10:24.40
So like.. a lot of noobs write the show..

00:10:24.50,00:10:30.90
and some of 'em are saying stuff like "wow y'know like your show's so good and stuff"..

00:10:31.00,00:10:35.70
and like "there must be more people involved than just you and Kyle" y'know..

00:10:35.80,00:10:44.10
and so y'know we thought maybe as an extra for fun this episode we'd show you one of the many people that are behind the scenes..

00:10:44.10,00:10:47.70
that go into making the show like pwn.. like so much..

00:10:47.80,00:10:51.80
so today you're gonna meet my buddy Dave here..

00:10:51.91,00:11:00.31
in episode 2, Dave held a lamp like in one of the shots in episode 2 in my room..

00:11:00.51,00:11:08.91
because Kyle thought like maybe we should have like more light or something.. to match some other like somethings..

00:11:09.11,00:11:11.11
that he like learned in film school..

00:11:11.11,00:11:15.61
so we did that and Dave helped out, so here's my buddy Dave here..

00:11:16.91,00:11:21.71
Actually my name is Dawei, but the white barbarians call me Dave

00:11:22.21,00:11:29.61
Dave's like a pretty funny guy that way sometimes and it's handy to have him around 'cause he's so funny y'know..

00:11:29.71,00:11:38.71
thanks Dave.. and that was like y'know, behind the scenes at the show y'know so.. we'll see you next time and stuff right

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