MY GRANDMA'S A LAPDANCER - CONAL GALLEN

SHE SAT THERE ON A BAR-STOOL WITH A TEARDROP IN HER EYE
SO I PULLED UP BESIDE HER I WIPED HER CHEEK AND ASKED HER WHY
THEN I ORDERED HER MORE WHISKY AS HER STORY SHE DID TELL
HOW HER GRANDMA BECAME A LAPDANCER AT THE SHOOTIN' STAR HOTEL

GRANDMA DIDN'T HAVE A PENNY WHEN DEAR OLD GRANDPA DIED
SO SHE HAD TO FIGURE HOW TO MAKE SOME MONEY ON THE SIDE
SO SHE CHANGED HER NAME FROM MARY-JANE TO PEACHES-TINKERBELL
WHEN SHE BECAME A LAPDANCER AT THE SHOOTIN' STAR HOTEL

OH WELL SHE DRIVES THE MEN ALL CRAZY WHEN ON THEIR KNEES SHE SITS
AS SHE PURRS AND TICKLES GENTLY ON THEIR NOSES WITH HER MITS
ALTHOUGH SHE'S PUSHING SIXTY SHE'S STILL GOT THEM IN HER SPELL
AS SHE DANCES 'ROUND THE TABLES AT THE SHOOTIN' STAR HOTEL

INSTRUMENTAL

WELL NATURE HAS BEEN KIND TO HER, HER FIGURE'S ALL HER OWN
SHE'S NEVER HAD A SNIP OR TUCK OR AN OUNCE OF SILICONE
SHE WAS WORKIN' AS A WAITRESS 'TIL HER MORAL STANDARDS FELL
AND SHE BECAME A LAPDANCER AT THE SHOOTIN' STAR HOTEL

OH SHE REALLY IS A SIGHT TO SEE WHEN SHE BEGINS HER DANCE
AND MEN (HUH) WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER PUSHIN' MONEY DOWN HER PANTS
WHEN THE FAMILY CALL HER TO COMPLAIN SHE JUST TELLS THEM GO TO HELL
SHE SAYS I'M PROUD TO BE A LAPDANCER AT THE SHOOTIN' STAR HOTEL

OH WELL SHE DRIVES THE MEN ALL CRAZY WHEN ON THEIR KNEES SHE SITS
AS SHE PURRS AND TICKLES GENTLY ON THEIR NOSES WITH HER BITS AND PIECES IN THEIR FACES
SHE CHANGED HER NAME FROM MARY-JANE TO PEACHES-TINKERBELL
OH MY GRANDMA SHE'S A LAPDANCER AT THE SHOOTIN' STAR HOTEL
YES MY GRANDMA SHE'S A LAPDANCER AT THE SHOOTIN' STAR HOTEL.

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