Every man in this world thinks he's got a big nose
or a slightly under average size k___
Shout big nose or maggot in a crowded bar
And just wait for the seething mob

But the truth be known those smaller nose guys
ain't no better, no longer on the job
They've got the same size nose and the same size c___
But a hell of a lot more gob

Cause gob easily camouflages physique
like it camouflages self doubt
From those muscle men at the gym working hard to be a him
To those who speak loud but say nowt

All the girls in this world who watch their bodies unfurl
get given too big, too small or just flat
And decider of the size is one of many wise guys
With a brain half the size of his sack

But the truth be known any breast that you own
will have admirers from all over this land
Some will only stare at a particular pair
But most will just take what's in their hands

So hands up your jumper you're enjoying yourself
let yourself squeeze your own pair
At least in years ahead when they dig up our dead
They'll know the fairer s__ wasn't all fair

All the boys in this world whose hair never curled
as promised if they ate all their greens
Are digging like mad so when they're finally Dad
They've got the produce to be equally mean

But the truth be known it wasn't meant to mean
just a little way to give you a scare
So those who ate their sprouts
Are right to have doubts
Cause half of them are losing their hair

So boys without curls shout to the girls
for loving us curly or not
And all my black mates who thought their's would go straight
You didn't have to finish the lot

Every woman in this world who's ever sat at the wheel
knows who really chooses her course
If he takes corners and bends so well
How come he can't negotiate yours

And the truth be known you've only hit one cone
and he didn't even see you do that
And just to rub salt, you said the cone was at fault
And not the person who was sat on your lap

So big nigh five to the ladies that drive
even higher for deliberately slow
Cause all a lady loves is a man in driving gloves
Out of petrol on a road he don't know

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