Henry Phillips Guitar Pill Lyrics

This is a song that goes to all the aspiring guitar players out there

Don't you wish there was a pill you could take?
Where you could instantly be able to play the guitar?
Just like Eddie Van Halen, or B. B. King, or Cid Govia?
And each of the styles of these various guitar players would be represented by different kinds of pills
Like, for example, if you wanted to play like Eddie Van Halen, there'd be these bright red gelatin capsules you could take
And the B. B. King pills would be dark blue
And they'd be called Blues
For obvious coloquial reasons
And they'd idealy be washed down with a pint of Early Times
And the Cid Govia pills would be these little, tiny brown pills
But they'd be the most powerful pills of all
Because he's really the best guitar player when you stop and think about it
I mean that Spanish classical s___'s really hard to play when you're drunk
And you could take one of these pills and be able to play like the guy on the label
Like, for about three hours
Like, say, if you were at a party
Or if you wanted to impress your girlfriend
Or maybe to impress her parents
Let's say if they were just kind of undecided about you
And you wouldn't have to pay any dues
And you wouldn't have to spend countless hours practicing all the d___ time
And you wouldn't have to suffer for your art
And by suffering, I mean like not being able to go out on a Saturday night
And you wouldn't have to worry about getting screwed over by a bunch of club owners and managers
And you wouldn't have to worry about having your kids hate you or wife leave you or getting arthritis or dying in a plane crash just because of all the pain involved in getting that good
Wouldn't that be great?
If there was a pill like that?
Wouldn't that be neat?

(Interlude)

Wouldn't that be great?
If there was a pill like that?
Wouldn't that be neat?
But there's not