Dennis Leary President Leary Lyrics

So, now you know why I can't be the president of the United States, cause I'd snap like this 18 times a day. Right from the first get-together in the morning: "Mr. President?" "WHAAAT?! Get Air Force One, I wanna blow some s___ up. Get Harrison Ford, put him on a plane, I wanna beat him up, I'm p___ed off at him."

And when I'm president, boy, things are gonna change. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Thing's are gonna change when I'm the president of the United States. Yep. My domestic policy? "f___ you". My foreign policy? "FUUUUUCK you!".

Tell you something else; when I'm the president of the United States, all you a__holes you rides bikes in the city? LOCK AND LOAD, OKAY?! You're going down. Yeeaah.. What the f___ are you people thinking about, huh? You wanna ride a bike in the city? Move to China! Go ahead. Eat some rice for the rest of your life. Are you f___ing insane, riding a bike around in the middle of Manhattan traffic, huh? There's no speed limit in New York, have you noticed that? Have you ever seen a speed limit sign in Manhattan? No! They don't exist! Red lights sure means 'stop if you want to'! Last guy that got a speeding ticking in Manhattan was the guy that crashed his plane into the Empire State building back in 1937. Wake the f___ up and smell the maple-nut crunch!

They drive me f___ing nuts. Have you had that experience when you're getting out of a cab and you open the door and a bike-guy smashes into the car door, and then he gives you and attitude - "hey, man, that's my s___e" - No it isn't!! That's the s___e for the door to f___ing open! They got their little spandex pants on, their little gloves and they're riding around; "I have the right to drive my bike right in the middle of traffic, and I have my little wistle - fhew fhew -" "I HAVE A HORN, HONK HONK, YOU'RE DEAD".

And you rollerblading a__holes. LOCK AND LOAD. Lock and load. With your pink spandex and your headphones on, dancing, doing the hussle in the middle of traffic. Make up your mind: dance or drive, ok, a__hole? Just make up a desicion.

f___, I don't get it. You know? Why don't you just put on clown-pants and drive uni-cycle right down 5th Avenue. "HEY LOOK AT ME". Why don't you paris-wheel down Broadway? "LOOK AT MEEE - I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THIS -" "NO YOU DON'T, SNIP SNIP, YOU'RE OUT - HAPPY NOW?"

Have you seen the cops that have to ride the bikes? Oh, aren't they the sadest looking mother f___ers? Oh, there's not one happy one, in the whole city, man. They're totally b__med out. You know they come from families full of cops, right? Their dads was a cop, their grandfather was a cop. They've dreamed of being a cop their whole life. They go to the academy, they're waiting for that graduation day to get all that stuff. Graduation day comes: "Yeah, here's a badge, a bike and a pair of shorts. Stop crying! Go ahead. Yeah. - You want some more stuff? Here's some white socks and some flip-flops. Go ahead, stop crying! You want a siren, make one with your mouth, go ahead!"