The Music Man: "I am the music man, I come from down the way, and I can play!"
Audience: "What can you play?"

Piano:
The Music Man: "I play the piano!"
Sing "Pia-pia-pia-no, pia-no, pia-no; pia-pia-pia-no, pia-pia-no" to the tune.
Actions - act out playing chords on a piano

Trombone:
The Music Man: "I play the trombone!"
Sing "oomp-pa-oomp-pa-ooomp-pa-paaaa, oomp-pa-paaaa, oomp-pa-paaa; oomp-pa-oomp-pa-oomp-pa-paaaa, oomp-pa-oomp-pa-pa" to the tune.
Actions - mime playing trombone.
Follow with pia-no lines again then chorus
Bagpipes:

The Music Man: "I play the bagpipes!"
Sing "Scotland the Brave"
Actions - mime playing bagpipes.
Follow with pia-no, oomp-pa etc.
Call and response section:

The Music Man: "Whoawhooaa!"
Audience: "Whoawhooaa!"
The Music Man: "Yeeaah-yeah-yeah-yeah"
Audience: "Yeeaah-yeah-yeah-yeah"
The Music Man: "Oggy oggy oggy!"
Audience: "Oi oi oi!"
The Music Man: "Oggy oggy oggy!"
Audience: "Oi oi oi!"
Football section:

The Music Man: "I am the music man, I come from down far away and I can play".
Audience: "What can you play?"
Match of the Day, (followed by a scarf waving section to the music of BBC's Match of the Day music)
Dambusters:

The Music Man: "I play The Dam Busters!"
Sing the theme to The Dam Busters with arms outstretched, like bomber aircraft.

See also:
JustSomeLyrics
111
111.107
Sticky Burley Ok Riddim Lyrics
Jorge Aragao Telegrama Lyrics