Jean-Marc Natel Master of the House Lyrics

DRINKER 3
Come on you old pest

DRINKER 2
Fetch a bottle of your best

DRINKER 1
What's the nectar of the day?

THENARDIER
Here, try this lot
Guaranteed to hit the spot
Or I'm not Thenardier.

DRINKERS
Gissa glass of rum!
Landlord, over here!

THENARDIER
Right away, you scum [to himself]
Right away, M'sieur

DINER 1
God this place has gone to hell

DINER 2
So you tell me every year.

DRINKER 6
Mine host Thenardier
He was there, so they say,
At the field of Waterloo.

DRINKER 7
Got there, it's true
When the fight was all through

DRINKER 1
But he knew just what to do
Crawling through the mud
So I've heard it said
Picking through the pockets
Of the English dead.

DRINKER 8
He made a tidy score
From the spoils of war.

THENARDIER
My band of soaks
My den of dissolutes
My dirty jokes, my always p___ed as newts
My sons of w____s
Spent their lives in my inn
Homing pigeons homing in
They fly through my doors
And their money's good as yours.

DINER 1
Ain't got a clue
What he put into this stew
Must've scraped it off the street.

DINER 2
God, what a wine!
Chateau Neuf de Turpentine
Must've pressed it with his feet!

DRINKERS
Landlord, over here!
Where's the b_____ man?
One more for the road?

Thenardier, one more slug o' gin.

GIRL
Just one more, or my old man is gonna do me in.

THENARDIER [greeting a new customer]
Welcome, M'sieur
Sit yourself down
And meet the best
Inkeeper in town.
As for the rest,
All of them crooks
Rooking their guests
And cooking the books.
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be

Master of the house
Doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake
And an open palm
Tells a saucy tale
Makes a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
Glad to do a friend a favour
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price!

Master of the house
Keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em
Of a sou, or two
Watering the wine
Making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks
When they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Master of the house
Quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passer-by
To pass him by
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher
and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone

THENARDIER
But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!

Enter M'sieur
Lay down yer load
Unlace yer boots
And rest from teh road.

This weighs a ton
Travel's a curse
But here we strive
To lighten your purse.
Here the goose is cooked
Here the fat is fried
And nothing's over looked
Till I'm satisfied...

Food beyond compare
Food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer
And pretend it's beef.
Kidney of a horse
Liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages
With this and that!
Residents are more than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied!
Reasonable charges
Plus some little extras on the side!

Charge 'em for the lice
Extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror
Twice.
Here a little slice
There a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window
Shut.
When it comes to fixing prices
There are lots of tricks he knows
How it all increases
All those bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Master of the house
Quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passer-by to pass him by
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher
And life-long mate
Everybody's boon companion
Gives 'em everything he's got

THENARDIER
Dirty bunch of geezers
Jesus! What a sorry little lot!

MADAM THENARDIER
I used to dream
That I would meet a prince.
But God Almighty,
Have you seen what's happened since?
'Master of the house'?
Isn't worth me spit!
'Comforter, philosopher'
-and lifelong s___!
Cunning little brain
Regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover
But there's not much there.
What a cruel trick of nature
Landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted
Living with this b______ in the house!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Master of the house

MADAME THENARDIER
Master and a half!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Comforter, philosopher

MADAME THENARDIER
Don't make me laugh!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great

MADAME THENARDIER
Hypocrite and toady
And inebriate!

THENARDIER & CHORUS
Everybody bless the landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse!

THENARDIER
Everybody raise a glass.

MADAME THENARDIER
Raise it up the master's a___.

ALL
Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house.