The Macc Lads Helen of Fowey Lyrics

Got me tanktop with the budgie front, party on at Vinny's
Oxford bags, so I looked a c___, but the party's nearly finished
Nowt to drink but Noilly Prat, Babycham or s_____ll
Nowt to s___ but something fat on holiday from Cornwall
The face that lunched on a thousand chips
Seventeen hairs in the wart on her bottom lip
But I knew I had to give it a s___, or she'd go home thinking I'm a screaming handbag.
Didn't know which way up she was, I said: 'Fart and give us a clue, love.'
She said back at hers she had some beer, 'and a bottle of Clandew, love.'
I got dead p___ed, she looked quite fit, she looked like someone famous,
I fumbled about, but my aim was out, I stuffed it up her a___
She picked her a___ as she lay bare, digging out the bits of bogroll in her a___ hair
I knew I had to give it a s___, now she'll go home thinking I'm a screaming handbag

Got out of bed to have a p___, and something really shocked us,
A yellow growth on my bell end, I legged it down the doctor's
This is what you get when you tunnel test, its yellow and deformed;
But it wasn't clap, or owt like that, but a f___ing piece of sweetcorn