Judge: How do you find the defendant?
Juryman: He's guilty of mayhem, exposure indecent.
Man: Freaked out behaviour both chronic and recent.
Jury: Drinking and driving, narcotic possession.
Man 2: And that's just page one of his ten page confession!
Judge: I should put you away where you can't kill or maim us,
But this is LA and you're rich and famous!

[In the Betty Ford Centre]

Criminal: I'm checking in.
All: He's checking in.
Criminal: I'm checking in,
All: Checking Checking In,
Criminal: No more pills or alcohol,
No more pot or Demorol,
No more stinking fun at all,
I'm checking in.
All: He's checking in, He's checking in.
Doctor: No more looking pale and thin,
No more bugs beneath your skin.
Criminal: Hey, that's just my aspirin.
All: Check it out, you're checking in!

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