I heard there is no Christmas,
In the silly Middle East..
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus,
They have different religious beliefs...
They believe in Muhammad,
And not in our holiday...
And so every December,
I go to the Middle East and say...

Hey there Mr Muslim, Merry F**king Christmas
Put down that book, The Koran
And hear some holiday wishes
Incase you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus's Birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim a__
And f**king celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India,
I've heard..
They don't hang up their stockings,
And that is just absurd..
They've never read a Christmas story,
They don't know what Rudolph is about...
And that's why in December,
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr Hinduist, Merry F**king Christmas
Drink eggnog, and eat some beef
and pass it to the missus
Incase you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu a__,
And f**king celebrate.

Now I heard that in j__an,
Everyone just lives in sin...
They pray to several gods,
And put needles in their skin...
On December twenty-fifth,
all they do is eat a cake...
and that is why I'll go to j__an,
and walk around and say...

Hey there Mr Shintoist, Merry F**king Christmas
God is gonna kick your a__ You infidelic pagan scum.
Incase you haven't noticed,
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
and Merry F**king Christmas to you.

On Christmas Day, I travel round the world and say..
Taoists, Korishnas, Buddists
and all you atheists too..
Merry F**king Christmas to you.
Thank you, Mr Hat..

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