I am a lonely, lonely, lonely man
I got no girl to scratch my back
No one to hold my hand
And my time here at school will soon be blown away
I'll be a bachelor for life
And that's the way I'll stay
I sure hope that's not the case
Gotta keep up the human race
That's why I need a girl
Who looks at me and doesn't hurl

But am I gifted with singleness
Or will I find a wife and be bound for happiness
I hope that she's shorter than me
But that's a long shot 'cause I'm so very tiny
I'm only five foot three

wha-whoohooo yeah
Oooo Oooo oooo

And so I walk these lonely roads all alone
Just waiting for the right girl to come along and crinkle my nose
And waggle my toes
And give me a rose
And everyone nose
I'm in love and it shows
But I'm not and it's horrible
I've got no one to pick me up
When I fall down on my face
And bleed from my ...skin

And am I left alone for good
Or will I find a wife and be bound for parenthood
If she's a lot taller than me
We will sure have some really tall babies
Maybe six foot three

Wha-whoohooo yeah
Oooo Oooo oooo

Now the loneliness overwhelms me
My friends are all engaged and it hurts to see them filled with glee
They scratch each other's backs
It feels good to scratch a back
Even better to have it scratched
I wish someone would scratch my back
'Cause it's itching pretty bad
Right in the lower back
Not so much in the middle
Not there

And am I gifted with singleness
Like Paul describes in first Corinthians
'Cause all I want is a girl who says
I'll clean up the house and always make the bed
So very Spirit lead

So all you guys who are single out there
Don't forget to brush your teeth and comb your hair
And soon you'll find a girl who cares
She'll scratch your back and hold your hand almost anywhere
Even during prayer

Wha-whoohooo yeah
Oooo Oooo oooo

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