The piano has been drinking
My necktie's asleep
And the combo went back to New York
The jukebox has to take a leak
And the carpet needs a haircut
And the spotlight looks just like a prison break
'Cause the telephone's out of cigarettes
The balcony's on the make
The piano has been drinking

The piano has been drinking
And the menu's are all freezing
And the lightman's blind in one eye
And he can't see out of the other
And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid
And he showed up with his mother
And the piano has been drinking

The piano has been drinking
As the bouncer is this Sumo wrestler
Cream puff casper milk toast
And the owner is a mental midget
With the I.Q. of a fencepost
'Cause the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking

And you can't find your waitress
With the Geiger counter
And she's you and your friends
And you just can't get served without her
And the box office is drooling
And the bar stools are all on fire
And all the newspapers were fooling
And the ash-trays have retired
And the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking
Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me

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