Well, the farmer prayed for a better year
And that crops were good, like the Lord did here
But his farm burnt down with winter near
The answer came in white and black
In the farmers almanac
It said "If a man could have half his wishes he could double his trouble"

A sweet old lady was 84
When her kinfolks came for a month or more
Now from over-work she's on the other shore
Much too late wish ya'll come back
And it says in the farmers almanac
It says "Visitors and fish smell after three days"

Our leader was a silver tongued man
He deceived the people of our land
And when he came called he couldn't stand
It's a little off deed and a little off track
But it says in the farmers almanac
It says "In rivers and bad governments the lighest things float to the top"

Rod said "I don't believe in God"
Rod died in lies beneath the sod
But God did not believe in Rod
Life is a troubled and a weary track
But it says in the farmers almanac
It says "Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death"

The little boy followed the honeybee
And it flew straight to the honeytree
He got stung but got the honey free
Constellation for the things you lack
Is in the farmers almanac
It says "God gives us the darkness so we can see the stars"

He came home three hours late from work
Said "I had a flat and fell in a dirt"
She said "You got lipstick on your shirt"
Well it turned out like Jill and Jack
And it says in the farmers almanac
It says "Lies have to be covered up truth can run around naked"

He said "Honey you know I'm true
I just look at other women that's all I do"
Then she caught him with her best friend Peggy Sue
Sometimes some women will look back
And it says in the farmers almanac
It says "There's a lot of difference in window shopping and shoplifting"

I sat down at a shoe shine stand
I had a real slow shoe shine man
I said you don't pop that rag like some of them can
He looked at me and sat right back
It says in the farmers almanac
It says "The trouble with the world today is there's too much popping and not enough shine"

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