Stephen Lynch Bowling Song Lyrics

You watch me on your TV.
Say that my job is easy.
Say I am not athletic.
You think my sport's pathetic.

But you can't judge me 'till you walked a mile in my bowling shoes.

So I don't get all the ladies.
Got a mullet from the 80's
I'm known throughout the valleys.
As the prophet of alleys.

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling god.
The smell of rosin gets me high.
Kiss those f---in' pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling... the bowling... god.

(Thank you comin' out tonight! Alright, one more verse)

Got a ball that's smooth and all black.
I keep it in my lucky ball-sac. (yeah)
I get a feeling in my soul.
As I finger every hole.
And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling god.
The smell of rosin gets me high.
Kiss those motherf---in' pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling... the bowling...

Not a single man will try, to beat almighty Malakai.
All that challenge me are slain.
Come on, f---ers pick a lane.
Marshall Holden Gary d___ens, get in line for your a__ kickins'.
John Patrack the unknown Duke, your so lame it makes me puke.
Oh I'm on the pro-bowl sector.
There's to Don his wrist protector.
Not that p____ Nelson Burton, tells me that his wrist is hurtin'.
Hey Mark Walfey, Earl the Pearl, are ya' scared to give the ball a hurl?
How bout' Nickey Webber and his son Pete? I'll turn the motha f___as to cream of wheat!