Adam Sandler Joining the Cult Lyrics

Performed by Adam Sandler and Allen

Transcribed by Big Brother.

[Sounds of Basketball being shot around]
Sandler: Hey man, I'm joining a religious cult.
Allen: Now, that's ridiculous.
Sandler: Well, I'm joining it, so you gotta sign up too.
Allen: What are you talking about?
Sandler: Hey, don't f___ me on this, man. Just sign up.
Allen: No, I'm not gonna join a cult!
Sandler: I can't believe you're pulling this s___ on me after Monday night-
Allen: What?
Sandler: -I wanted to watch Monday Night Football and you wanted to watch that other show and we watched your show. I did that for you!
Allen: Yeah, well, you kept flippin' back to the game.
Sandler: I WANTED TO SEE THE f___IN' SCORE! Whadda you gotta do that's so f___ing important you can't join the religious cult with me?
Allen: Well, I was gonna go sunbathing.
Sandler: Oh, boy, no no, I don't think you should do that. Because this guy, Russell -he's the leader-guy of the cult-
Allen: -yeah-
Sandler: -he was rambling on during one of the speeches about the sun being bad-
Allen: -uh huh?
Sandler: -like the beast can't come out because the sun's too bright and the sun hurts his eyes or something -you show up all sunburned and that guy's gonna get p___ed at you and me!
Allen: Well, I'm not in the cult, so I don't have to worry about p___ing the leader guy off!
Sandler: Look, I'm starting to believe in some of the stuff the cult guy's been saying -some of it makes a lot of sense!
Allen: Well, good, but I don't want to join the cult. We can still hang out, I just won't be in it with you.
Sandler: The point is, I'm not gonna have time to hang out with you because I'm gonna be f___in' busy with this f___in' cult!
Allen: So we'll visit on weekends. We'll work it out.
Sandler: No, the weekends are like the busiest time -that's when we go to flea malls and f___in' malls and talk people into joining, man!
Allen: Can I join for just a little while? I told my dad I'd go visit him in Florida in three weeks.
Sandler: Well, just, you'll ask then, but we gotta join now.
Allen: What's the hurry?
Sandler: THERE'S A GIRL I WANNA MEET THERE! WHAT THE f___'S YOUR PROBLEM?
Allen: Well, I mean I don't really have to believe in this stuff, do I?
Sandler: No! no! Just f___in' tell everybody you believe in this s___ -when they say the sun sucks, go, 'Yeah, f___ the sun. I f___in' hate it, too. Long live the f___in' beast.'
Allen: I don't know, man. This is crazy.
Sandler: Look, they're gonna give you clothers, they're gonna give ya a free haircut, you're gonna get food-
Allen: -it's not gonna be one of those weird haircuts, is it?
Sandler: It's gonna be a haircut, all right? You said you need a haircut, they're gonna f___in' cut your hair. You're going in saving twelve bucks. Just f___in' do it
Allen: Think the hot girl has a friend for me?
Sandler: Probably, I don't -and if she doesn't, she'll go out and recruit one for you!
Allen: Well, all right. But, hey, if I don't like it, I'm going to escape, man.
Sandler: OK, that's up to you.

Three weeks later!

[Chanting repeatedly in background] The night time is the right time! The night time is the right time!
Sandler: Hey buddy, are you glad you did this?
Allen: Oh, this is the best thing I ever did. Thank you.
Sandler: You're not mad at them making you, uh, kill your father, are you?
Allen: You know, it's like they said. It was the only way to save him.
Sandler: You're a good guy.
Allen: You're a better one.
[Chanting continues]
All right!
Hear that?
Woo!