The Macc Lads Failure With Girls Lyrics

I've got an ugly face with spots all over the place,
I haven't got any mates and my clothes have gone out of date,
I go to the pub on my own and drink my orange alone
I sit and stare at the crack, but they just turn their backs
I want to chat them up, but I stare at my feet,
Then I go home and I beat my meat,
I'm dead shy about the size of my d___
And chips n gravy make me sick
I'm a failure with girls -I don't know why
I'm a failure with girls -they make me cry
I'm a failure with girls -they're so unkind
Only wish I could say that I don't mind

A Macc Lad said: 'Sonny, take note!'
And he poured a pint of bitter down my throat,
It was the first pint I'd ever had, and I turned into a real Macc Lad,
My clothes started looking real flash, I grew a tattoo and a moustache
And my car grew a go-faster stripe,
Now I pull crack every night
I'm not weak anymore, my d___ measures 3'4",
Don't you call me wimp-
Its 3'4" even when its limp

I'm dead macho with girls - I never fail
I'm dead macho with girls - Coz I sup ale
I'm dead macho with girls - Thanks to Boddies
Only wish that I didn't have VD