Immanuel Kant was a real p___ant
Who was very rarely stable

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table

David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently p___ed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill

Plato, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day

Aristotle, Aristotle was a b_____ for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram

And René Descartes was a drunken fart
I drink, therefore I am

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker
But a b_____ when he's p___ed

See also:
JustSomeLyrics
18
18.101
Despistados cada dos minutos Lyrics
Tossers, The Nantucket Girls Song Lyrics