My lady gives birth today
I run to her room right away
She smiles with glee and hands her to me
I look at my newborn and say

d___ that's an ugly baby
d___ that's an ugly a__ baby
I'm feeling quite concerned
My s____ must have turned
'Cause d___ that's an ugly baby

I can't believe this came from me
I think her mom did too much LSD
she's skinny like a twig
at least her nuts are big
but the placenta is cuter than she is

d___ that's an ugly baby
God d___ that's an ugly a__ baby
I can't take her home today
She'll scare the dog away
'cause d___ that's an ugly baby

And when she smiles I find
Shane McGowen comes to mind
It makes me want to cry
When I look into her good eye
I always wanted kids
Is it wrong to hope for SIDS?
Then the doctor calls me in
Mr. Lynch she has a twin

d___ that's a good-lookin' baby
One for two on the good lookin' babies
I almost start to weep
Now this one we can keep
cause that was an ugly a__...

d___ that's an ugly baby (x4)
She's got one good tooth and one ear and one eye
And thank god just one nose but it's on her left thigh
Now doctor I am asking you guy to guy
Would a really really really late term abortion still fly?
Oh no, not me, I don't want no ugly baby
I said d___ that's an ugly baby
d___ that's an ugly a__ baby

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