JOANNE
The samples won't delay
But the cable...

MARK
There's another way
Say something, anything

JOANNE
Test: one, two, three

MARK
Anything but that.

JOANNE
This is weird

MARK
It's weird

JOANNE
Very weird

MARK
f___in' weird

JOANNE
I'm so mad that I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones, freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off I'm with you

MARK
Feel like going insane? Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?

JOANNE
As a matter of fact

MARK
Honey, I know this act.
It's called the "Tango: Maureen"
The Tango Maureen, it's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling...

JOANNE
You're wrong.

MARK
Your heart she is mangling...

JOANNE
It's different with me!

MARK
And you toss and you turn 'cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound

JOANNE
I think I know what you mean

BOTH
The Tango Maureen

MARK
Has she ever pouted her lips and called you "Pookie"?

JOANNE
Never.

MARK
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

JOANNE
This is spooky.
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?

MARK
Every time, so be cautious.

JOANNE
Did she moon over other boys?

MARK
More than moon.

JOANNE
I'm getting nauseous.

MARK
Where'd you learn to tango?

JOANNE
With the French ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porters.
And you?

MARK
With Nanette Himmelfarb, the rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center.
It's hard to do this backwards!

JOANNE
You should try it in heels!

She cheated

MARK
She cheated

JOANNE
Maureen cheated

MARK
f___in' cheated

JOANNE
I'm defeated, I should give up right now

MARK
Gotta look on the bright side with all of your might

JOANNE
I'd fall for her still anyhow!

BOTH
When you're dancing her dance you don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance make you fall

MARK
So you think, "Might as well,"

JOANNE
"Dance a tango to hell,"

BOTH
"At least I'll have tangoed at all."
The Tango Maureen, gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her 'cause in the end you can't leave her
But the end it will come still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you b__ and turn blue

MARK
Why do we love when she's mean?

JOANNE
And she can be so obscene
My Maureen...

BOTH
The Tango Maureen!

See also:
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