Colm Feore Funny Honey Lyrics

[Announcer]
For her first number, Miss Roxie Hart would like to sing a song of love and devotion, dedicated to her dear husband, Amos.

[ROXIE]
Sometimes I'm right. Sometimes I'm wrong.
But he doesn't care, he'll string along.
He loves me so, that funny honey of mine.
Sometimes I'm down, sometimes I'm up.
But he follows round like some droopy eyed pup.
He loves me so, that funny honey of mine.
He ain't no sheik, that's no great physique.
And Lord knows he ain't got the smarts.
But look at that soul, I tell you that hole
Is a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts.
And if you knew him like me....
I know you'd agree....
What if the world slandered my name,
Why he'd be right there, taking the blame.
He loves me so, and it all suits me fine.
That funny, sunny, crummy, hubby of mine.

[Amos]
Just suppose that he had violated her or something.
Know what I mean? Violated? Or something.
Think how terrible that would've been.
Good thing I got home from work on time.
I'm telling ya that.

[Roxie]
He love me so, that funny honey of mine.

[Amos]
I say I'm telling ya that.

[Police]
Name of deceased: Fred Casely.

[Amos]
Fred Casely? How could he be a burglar?
My wife knows him, he sold us our furniture.
He gave us 10% off.

[Roxie]
Lord knows he ain't got the smarts.

[Amos]
You told me he was a burglar.

[Police]
You mean he was dead when you got home?

[Amos]
She had him covered in a sheet, she's telling me some c___-and-bull story about this burglar, and how I oughta say I did it cuz I was sure to get off.
Help me Amos, she said, it's my g______ hour of need.

[Roxie]
Now he shot off his trap. I can't stand that sap!

Look at him go, ratting on me.
With just one more brain what a half-wit he'd be.

If they string me up
I'll know who
Brought the twine

[AMOS (Spoken)]
And I believed her!
That cheap little tramp. So, she
Was two-timing me, huh?
Well, then, she can just
Swing for all I care.
Boy, I'm down at the garage,
Working my b___ off fourteen
Hours a day and she's up mucnhin'
on god-d___ bon bons and jazzing.
This time she pushed me too far.
That little chiseler.
Boy, what I sap I was!

That scummy, crummy
Dummy hubby of mine!