ANYA
This is the man that I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim
And to mangle -vengeance was mine
But I'm out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is...
I'll never tell

XANDER
She is the one she's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night when I'm right
In her tight
-embrace, tight embrace
I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that- no
I'll never tell

XANDER AND ANYA
'Cause there's
Nothing to tell

ANYA
He snores

XANDER
She wheezes

ANYA
Say "housework" and he freezes

XANDER
She eats these skeezy cheeses
That I can't describe

ANYA
I talk -he breezes

XANDER
She doesn't know what "please" is

ANYA
His p____ got diseases
From a Chumash tribe

XANDER AND ANYA
The vibe
Gets kind of scary

XANDER
Like she thinks I'm ordinary

ANYA
Like it's all just temporary

XANDER
Like her toes are kind of hairy

XANDER AND ANYA
But it's all very well
'Cause god knows I'll never tell

ANYA
When things get rough he
Just hides behind his Buffy
Now look- he's getting huffy
'Cause he knows that I know

XANDER
She clings- she's needy
She's also really greedy
She never-

ANYA
-His eyes are beady!

XANDER
This is my verse, hello
She-

ANYA
Look at me! I'm dancin' crazy!

XANDER AND ANYA
You know

XANDER
You're quite the charmer

ANYA
My knight in armor

XANDER
You're the cutest of the s_____es
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple -tight embrace...

ANYA
He's swell

XANDER
She's sweller

ANYA
He'll always be my feller

XANDER
That's why I'll never tell her
That I'm petrified

ANYA
I've read this tale
There's wedding then betrayal
I know there'll come the day
I'll want to run and hide

XANDER AND ANYA
I lied
I said it's easy
I've tried
But there's these fears I can't quell

XANDER
Is she looking for a pot of gold?

ANYA
Will I look good when I've gotten old?

XANDER
Will our lives become too stressful
If I'm never that successful?

ANYA
When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley

XANDER
Am I crazy?

ANYA
Am I dreamin'?

XANDER
Am I marrying
A demon?

XANDER AND ANYA
We could really raise the beam
In makin' marriage a hell
So thank god I'll never tell
I swear that I'll never tell

XANDER
My lips are sealed

ANYA
I take the fifth

XANDER
Nothing to see
Move it along

XANDER AND ANYA
I'll never tell

See also:
JustSomeLyrics
22
22.51
The Vandals Let the Bad Times Roll Lyrics
God Forbid Assed Out Lyrics