Dane Cook Superpowers Lyrics

I wish I had some superpowers. I was thinking about that the other day.
Maybe quit comedy, fight some crime. Everybody wants to fly. That's the number one power. If I could grant you a power,
Dane, I'd love to fly. Yeah? Who the f___ doesn't. Who doesn't want to leave the show tonight and be like, Alright I'll catch you guys later.*Shwwooosh* and zip up into the skies.
I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering splendor.

I'd love to shoot a laser out of my c___. And when I'm empty my b____ glow.
Low fuel. b____ are empty.

You know what I'd like to be able to do more than anything else? I'd love to
be able to shoot spaghetti out of my fingertips. *Pppthhh.* 'Cause no one
wants to be covered in spaghetti. No. If I'm on a date with a girl and she's
very rude I'll be like, you know what? *PPpptthhh* Enjoy your spaghetti
you're very rude. Enjoy your spaghetti, 'cause you're rude. *Pppttthh*

These are all dreams. These are all things we want to have.
(To man in audience) If I could grant you a power, any power, what would
you want? Anything right now? Dah, Jesus. You want to be Jesus? God
you're such an egotistical p____. He thinks he's Jesus. Ah, Jesus. I'd love to
cover him with spaghetti right now. *Ppppttthh* Enjoy your spaghetti,
you're very egotistical.

Ahhh, Christ. *pause* (to man in audience) Not you.