JD:
Hey, Miss Miller!
We just need a stool sample.

PATTI:
Why do you need a stool sample,
if you think I'm just a nut?

JD AND TURK:
'Cause the answer's not in your head, my dear,
it's in your b___!

JD:
You see....
Everything comes down to poo!
From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoe
We can figure out what's wrong with you by lookin' at your poo!
Turk?

TURK:
Do you have a hemorrhoid or is it rectal cancer?
When you flush your dookie down, you flush away the answer!

JD:
It doesn't really matter if it's hard or if it's loose
We'll figure out what's ailing you, as long as it's a deuce!
Yes!
Everything comes down to poo!

ALL:
Everything comes down to poo!

JD:
Cardiovascular and lymphatic, yes, the nervous system, too!
All across the nation, we trust in defecation!
Everything comes down to poo!

TURK:
If you want to know what's wrong, don't sit and act so cool
Just be a man and eat some bran, and drop the kids off at the pool!

PATIENT 1:
My stomach hurts

JD:
Check the poo

PATIENT 2:
I sprained my ankle

TURK:
Check the poo!

PATIENT 3:
I was shot!

JD:
Check the poo!

PATIENT 4:
A homeless guy threw poo in my eye!

TURK:
Check the poo!

PATIENT 4:
Mine or his?

JD:
First him, then you!

It may sound gross, you may say "shush!"

TURK AND JD:
But we need to see what comes out of your tush!
Because!

ALL:
Everything comes down to poo!
Whether it's a tumor or a touch of the flu!

JD AND TURK:
Please, won't you pinch us off a big, fat clue!

TURK:
Our number one test is your Number Two!

ALL:
If there's no breeze, light a match please!
Everything comes down to --

Doo-doo!
Doo-doo!
Doo-doo!
Doo-doo!

Everything comes down to ... poo!

See also:
JustSomeLyrics
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